Thanks to a friend, Randy, I now know that I’m white. He told me about “Stuff White People Like,” pointing out to me #35 in the full list.
The Daily Show/Colbert Report. Yes, I’m a habitual viewer.
Thing is, I’ve watched so much of Stephen Colbert, like him I no longer see race. So I’d forgotten that my wife and I are white until I browsed through the ninety-one stuffs and realized that I liked a lot of them.
Scoring high on half of the first ten pretty much proved that we’re white.
#1. Coffee
#2. Religions their parents don’t belong to
#6. Organic food
#8. Barack Obama
#9. Making you feel bad about not going outside
Well, actually #9 just shows that I’m married to a white woman. Because I’m cool with someone staying indoors, blogging away on a laptop, watching sports on TV, taking a nap, whatever.
But Laurel is always telling me that I should get out in what for some reason she thinks is the “real” world. Nature. As if my IBM Think Pad isn’t natural.
In fact, she did this just a few minutes after Randy had sent me his email, and I’d been able to scan the list of stuff white people like. I read #9 to her.
I figured she’d recognize that by feeling good about all the time I spend glued to a computer or television screen, she’d be embracing a multi-ethnic consciousness rather than her white indoorphobic attitude.
Indeed, this time she didn’t raise a blonde eyebrow to my “No thanks” in response to her “I’m going for a walk. Do you want to come?”
Maybe we’re not as white as I thought. After all, we’ve never watched The Wire (#85) and sushi turns us off (#42).
However, we’ve got a Toyota Prius (#60) and we’re vegetarians (#32). Yeah, we’re white.
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I guess I’m not white and I always thought I was. I like only 11 things out of the 91 that white people like. This doesn’t mean I dislike all the other 80. Many of them I just have no interest in.
I have a feeling this is a stronger indication that I am a “conservative” rather than a “liberal”…A conservative that likes shorts, T-shirts, bottled water, recycling (actually I don’t like it, but I do it), bicycles, natural medicine, dogs, whole food co-ops, tea, organic food, and coffee (but it doesn’t like me).
Of course you already know I don’t like Obama. That means I’m not black either. What the hell am I? Asian? No. I’m not good at math or computers. That covers the three main anthropological groups.
I must be from another planet.
You need to check out The Wire sometime.