PETA now has a XXX web site. It’s animalistic!

Way to go, PETA. You're making good use of the new .xxx domain option with www.peta.xxx Personally, I wasn't turned on by seeing porn star Ron Jeremy featured on the home page, but my male eyes quickly turned leftward (natural for me) to an image of Sasha Grey -- another former porn star who supports the animal side of both humans and animals. PETA enticed my throbbing attention deeper into the site with... PETA is not new to the world of adult entertainment. In fact, we've been collaborating with some of the most legendary XXX stars for years. Thanks to…

Creative Portland marriage proposal gets Storm Large’s “fuck, yes”

Since I'm a big fan of Storm Large, I wish I could obey her Twitter tweet. My good friend Amy just got engaged, and..no pressure, boys...but this is how the fuck you do it. http://vimeo.com/42828824  However, I'm already married. And my proposal to Laurel some twenty-three years ago was horrible, compared to how the marvelously creative guy who put together this lip-sync'ed marvel did it. Very Portlandia'ish. When I proposed to Laurel, it was so half-assed Laurel wasn't sure what I was saying. "Are you asking me to marry you?", she said. "Yes," I told her. Not exactly the stuff romance…

“Real-life Barbie” does appear to be a real woman

When I came across mention of a real-life Barbie on my Twitter feed, naturally my curiosity was aroused. I've always thought Barbie was hot (though my most ardent attraction is to a more mature, yet similarly curvaceous comic strip character, Blondie). A 21-year-old girl, who has become an internet sensation in her home country of Russia, claims on her blog to be the most famed woman on the Russian-language internet. Valeria Lukyanova's doll-like features, long blonde hair and 'perfect' body make her look like a real life Barbie.In fact, with her tiny waist and large breasts, she bears such a resemblance to the…

Video of father-daughter wedding dance I’m envious of

When my daughter, Celeste, got married, I wasn't the dancing fool that I am now. By "fool," I mean that my dancing is more fun for me than it is artistic to look at; also that I now feel foolish for not having started to take ballroom lessons earlier than my wife and I did, because we really enjoy dancing. If I had my father-daughter wedding dance to do over again, I'd love it to look like this one. I think I could handle most of the moves this fellow gray-haired guy throws out on the dance floor so engagingly.…

Storm Large dazzles Salem in Oregon Symphony show

Last Friday my wife and I went to see the Oregon Symphony in Salem even though we don't like classical music. Or, usually, symphonies. But Storm Large, Portland's rock goddess, was singing along with the symphony in "The Perfect Storm" show that moved to the Schnitzer Concert Hall this weekend. Which also featured rock violinist Aaron Meyer in the first part of the program -- another amazing performer. Large was on her best behavior during her sultry lounge-singer sort of performance. She noted this near the end of her show, saying something like "Salem, I bet you were wondering what you…

“Motherfucking Bike” (almost) makes me want to ride one

I have a mountain bike. But I shun mountains, because they are so up'ity. Flat or downhill... that's my ideal bicycling terrain.  Since we live in the hills of rural south Salem, this constrains my interest in bike-riding. But after watching "Motherfucking Bike," I was (almost) inspired to join the motherfuckingbike movement -- not that I have any idea what it is.   However, from the video I seem to be too old to join the two-wheeled non-motorized hipsters. And my 63 year old sense of propriety -- what's left of it -- wonders if the lyrics to Motherfucking Bike…

Young girls who dance like Tina Turner. What’s up?

Today my wife, Laurel, and I got our first look at big-time children's dance competition. We spent most of the day watching the Los Angeles regionals of The American Dance Awards, held in Lake Elsinore, California at Lakeside High School. Our four-year old granddaughter apparently was the youngest contestant, dancing in two six-and-under categories (small group tap and small group jazz). We loved every moment of the dancing. My daughter was fearful that we'd get bored with the all day competition. Early on she slipped me her car keys, figuring that Laurel and I would want to head someplace else…

“The Artist” movie inspires me to… express myself!

When I first heard about "The Artist" (2011) I thought, "This is a movie that I should like, but won't." Black and white. Almost entirely silent, as regards speaking. French actors/director. An homage to films of the 20's and 30's. I figured "The Artist" would be one of those films my wife and I go to at Salem Cinema because it's an artsy, indie movie that's getting a lot of attention. Afterwards we'd look at each other and say, "What was that all about?," then go home and watch something genuinely enjoyable on TV, like The Colbert Report. Wrong. I…

“Portlandia” needs a comedy makeover

My wife and I live in Salem, a.k.a. "So-lame," Portland's dowdy, plain, uncool neighbor to the south. We wish our city could be half as ravishingly interesting as Portland is. No, one-tenth as interesting. Heck, give us any little slice of Portland and we'd devour it hungrily. (Salem just got it's first Trader Joe's store, eons after Portland, Corvallis, and Eugene got theirs. We still don't have a true vegetarian restaurant, much less a vegan one.) So we really want to enjoy IFC's "Portlandia." We watched every episode of Season 1, chuckling only episodically. It kept seeming like Portlandia was on…

“House of Lies” resonates with our cynical souls

Damn you, Showtime! Last year I cancelled your half of our HBO/Showtime subscription, because you didn't have on anything we liked to watch.  But last night we took advantage of DirecTV's offer to see Showtime premieres for free. And already we're hooked on "House of Lies."  What's not to like about cynicism, sex, money-grubbing management consultants, dysfunctional relationships, and other reflections of reality? About halfway through the first episode, my wife said "This is our kind of show." A quick review of some early reviews, here, here, and here, indicates that our enthusiasm isn't universally shared. Well, we're used to…

Cavalia is a magical horse show — Portlanders, go see it!

It's been quite an entertainment week for us. Fresh from seeing Cirque du Soleil's tribute to Michael Jackson at the Rose Garden, last Tuesday we headed to the Pearl District for Cavalia -- a horse show unlike any other.  There's a connection between Cirque du Soleil and Cavalia: Cavalia's artistic director, Normand Latourelle helped Cirque du Soleil get off the ground and was bought out by the Cirque founders. This helps explain why the Cavalia experience is so similar to the magical atmosphere of Cirque du Soleil. Well, the parking lot wasn't anything special. But the sight of the gigantic tents…

Michael Jackson The Immortal World Tour — we loved it! (and our VIP seats)

Last Friday we braved a few snow showers in Portland to reach the Rose Garden, where we had tickets to see Cirque du Soleil's "Michael Jackson The Immortal World Tour." Here's my five word review: Wow, Wow, and more Wow! This show is special. It isn't like a good movie where you enjoy it a lot, but the impact of the flick fades quickly. I'm still affected by this magical production.  It starts strong, and builds from there. Eventually I felt immersed in an almost other-worldly experience. Understand, I'm not at all religious. But "Michael Jackson The Immortal World Tour"…

What “Salemia” taught me about myself (and Salem)

Wow! Only about six hours left until the premiere of "Salemia," an event that has been eagerly awaited in Oregon's capital -- by those involved with the film, at least -- since the notion of a response to "Portlandia" was birthed from the fertile comedic mind-wombs of local filmmakers Mike Perron and Dave Jenkins. (Check out Part 1 of an Q & A interview by Emily Grosvenor with Mike and Dave on her Desperately Seeking Salem site.) After shamelessly sucking up to Mike and Dave through a series of fawning blog posts, and stammering through an audition last February at…

“Smash” — another great Willamette Univ. Theatre play

If you live in the Salem, Oregon area and enjoy going to plays, check out the Willamette University Theatre offerings. For a long time my wife and I had season tickets to Pentacle Theatre, but we came to yearn for edgier, less predictable plays. Belatedly, we discovered Salem Repertory Theatre; unfortunately, just before SRT went out of business. Liking the SRT style (basically, anything goes), we were enthused with the first Willamette University Theatre production we went to, "Aquitania." I didn't understand it, which I assumed meant that it was a deep, thought-provoking, mind-blowing play. Regardless, I'd rather be confused…

“Salemia” premiere is October 19. Wake up, Salem!

Maybe this will wake up sleepy Salem, the Oregon blandburger stuck between the spicy buns of Portland and Eugene:   Salemia, our response to IFC's Portlandia, will premiere at the Grand Theatre (191 High Street NE) on Wednesday, October 19, 7:45 pm -- as part of the Salem Film Festival. Check out the You Tube teaser/intro, which features an absolutely perfect theme song by a local band, Axolotl Daydream. (Oh, by the way, just in case you don't notice, my name appears at the 43 second mark, not that I'm into self-promotion, leaving aside this self-serving blog that I've devoted…

Why the Oregon football team lost to LSU

Wow, that's a gutsy title for this blog post. Me, little blogger Brian, is going to explain why the Oregon Ducks, ranked #3 in the country for a frustratingly brief time this 2011 football season, lost ignominiously to the LSU TIgers last Saturday. (The final score 40-27, doesn't reflect how badly the Ducks were dominated by the Tigers.) My qualifications for this feat? I've never played organized football at any level. I watch a lot of college football on TV but haven't gone to a live game for decades. I know next to nothing about the intricacies of play calling,…

Soccer’s penalty kicks need booting

I have a plan to fix soccer ("football," in the non-United States world). I'm uniquely qualified for this, because I know next to nothing about soccer, and until today I'd never watched an entire match on TV without fastforwarding through the boring parts. Which for me, has been every part except for the thirty seconds before and after a goal was scored, which means I'd end up watching just a few minutes of a 90 minute match. But this afternoon I got drawn into watching the entire Japan vs. USA 2011 Women's World Cup final, all 120 minutes of the…

Photos of 2011 Oregon Country Fair — weird and wonderful

I bet there's nothing like the Oregon Country Fair anywhere else in the United States. Heck, maybe the world. It's a celebration of what made the 60's so magical: freedom, creativity, love, expressiveness, community, caring. Sure, the magic faded (I was at Altamont, the 1969 antithesis to Woodstock: nasty and murderous). But every year it lives on in a beautiful rural setting in Veneta, outside of Eugene, for a weekend in July. Here's some photos from opening day 2011, Friday. My wife, Laurel, and I had a great time. The weather was perfect. Per usual, the Fair staff and volunteers…

“Salemia” could be a lot funnier than “Portlandia”

Yesterday I survived -- no, thrived -- my audition for a part in "Salemia," Salem's answer to "Portlandia" -- an Independent Film Channel series that casts a quirky eye on lifestyles in the city that is an hour drive to the north and lightyears distant on a Hipness Distance Scale. After the casting call went out, I got excited about appearing in a video series that will poke both gentle and finger-in-the-eye fun at our excessively boring city. (There's some controversy over how to pronounce "Salemia." To me, it has to be Sa-lame-ia.") But then I remembered all the times…

Bellydance Superstars shimmy up Salem

Wow. Wow. Wow. That's my three word review of the Bellydance Superstars "Bombay Bellywood" show that my wife and I saw last night at Salem's historic and marvelously restored Elsinore Theatre (a beautiful place that matched the gorgeous'osity of the dancers). I love belly dancing. Whenever I can, I watch a live performance. These superstars lived up to their name for me. The two hour show was the most riveting display of belly dancing I've ever seen, or may ever see. Yes, I readily admit that my male eyes were nearly popping out of my head during some of the…