Posted inGrowing older Humor

At my advanced age, it’s tough to decide if I should get a 3-year subscription to a magazine

Hate to break this news to you younger folks, but things get more difficult once you're a senior citizen like me. I know, you're familiar with stories of hearing difficulties, driving at night. opening jars with twist tops, and remembering where you put your damn reading glasses. There's lesser known troubles, though. Here's one that I encountered today. Two facts collided. One was that I turned 77 last month. The other was that I needed to renew my subscription to New Scientist magazine, a weekly published in Great Britain that I like a lot. Usually I renew for another year.…
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Posted inGrowing older Humor

Hearing “right on” from a young clerk, I thank her for keeping hippie lingo alive

To establish my credentials for writing about hippie lingo of the 1960's, I present into evidence this photo of me that dates from the late 60's during my yoga phase, which followed my psychedelic phase. It was taken (unposed, I should add) by a friend from my childhood home who had sponsored a gathering where I led a group in some yoga postures and meditation.  To add to my hippie credentials, I wish to point out that I went to college from 1966-71 at what I liked to call the "Stanford of the South Bay," San Jose State College, so…
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Posted inHumor Salem

2024 Silvertongue Apple-Peal pokes satirical fun at Silverton

The Silvertongue Apple-Peal not coincidentally has a name similar to Silverton's recently deceased serious newspaper, the Appeal Tribune, which met its end in 2022 when the nearby Salem Statesman Journal stopped publishing it on the command of its corporate master, Gannett.  Thankfully, the Silvertongue Apple-Peal lives on since 2012, thanks to local gadfly Gus Frederick, who has come out with a new edition on the pleasingly languid schedule of every two years to mark a general or midterm election.  Our Town described Gus Frederick's effort in a story about the closing of the Appeal Tribune after 142 years.  Frederick said…
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Posted inHome life Humor

My guide to happiness: act stupid, then undo your stupidity

Everybody wants to be happy. And everybody has their own ways of accomplishing this. Recently the New York Times had an interview with a Buddhist monk, Matthieu Ricard. When I saw that the story was called The 'World's Happiest Man' Shares His Three Rules for Life, I got excited.   Yay! Finally I'd know how to be happy all the time. Sweet. But when I read what Ricard said the three rules were, I felt my Perpetual Happiness Balloon popping.  You know, once I was on the India Today Conclave. They said, “Can you give us the three secrets of…
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Posted inHome life Humor

How a single stink bug cost us $430 today

Bloggers like me have to choose our subjects to write about with care. Until noon today, I was pondering between a $300 million Salem bond measure, advice on who to vote for in the midterms, and the increased risk of nuclear war due to Putin's Ukraine threats. But after Tim Paquin of Precision Garage Door Service diagnosed what had caused our garage door opener to stop working, I realized that this was my chance to contribute to the accumulated store of knowledge regarding garage door opener repairs. In short, consider that a stink bug is the culprit. Here's what Paquin…
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Posted inHumor

Silvertongue Apple-peal is a delicious Silverton satire

If you're looking for humor in all the wrong places -- I sure am -- rejoice! For the 2022 edition of the highly entertaining Silvertongue Apple-peal has hit the streets of Silverton with a satirical nuclear bomb (tactical warfare variety, to avoid complete devastation of the populace due to excessive funny bone tickling). Fortunately for those of us who aren't anywhere near a Silverton street, the Apple-peal is available for download on the newsletter's web site. Or by clicking on this ever-so-handy PDF file.Download Apple-peal 2022 To whet your appetite for the Apple-peal, here's a screenshot of the front page…
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Posted inEntertainment Humor

Taylor Tomlinson’s stand-up comedy heals my frazzled psyche

My big problem with life is... (drumroll please)... LIFE.  Meaning, insofar as I know what I mean, but now that I just wrote this blog's topic sentence, I'm stuck with explaining it, no matter how many problems get fixed in my life, new ones pop up like a perpetual motion machine designed by a sadist. I suspect most people feel this way. So what are we to do?  Sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll only can take us so far, especially if we're (OK, me) so old, sex is starting to  look like the car that zipped by in the other lane…
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Posted inHome life Humor

Hot bath plus marijuana: a recipe for fainting

Since I'm always on the lookout for fresh grandiose ideas to spice up my senior citizen life, I'm putting out an alert that if someone is looking for a Poster Child, or in my case a Poster Geezer, to be a spokesperson for the danger of mixing a hot bath and marijuana, I'm available! (Especially if the gig comes with a generous expense allowance, which I can use to pay for our water heater electricity and visits to my favorite cannabis emporium.) Until last night I was blissfully unaware of what can happen when someone, like me, mixes these seemingly…
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Posted inHumor Sports

Along with me, Oregon football team has #4 ranking

It was tough, but I did it! Last Saturday I pulled out a win against Ohio State, defying the odds and 100,000 crazed red-clad fans who desperately wanted me to lose so their team could maintain or improve on it's #3 in the nation ranking. Oh, guess I also need to give some credit to the University of Oregon football team. They were the ones who took the field against Ohio State.  But the way I felt after the game, I was right there with them -- a 72 year old guy who didn't even play football in high school,…
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Posted inHumor

The Dreaded ChristmasLess Newsletter is funny and dark

For your holiday amusement, here's the 2020 Christmas letter from Nancy, a friend of my wife. Nancy has a great sense of humor that leans toward the dark side -- which I find highly appealing. I've changed the names in the letter just in case anyone doesn't want their identity splashed across cyberspace. Enjoy.... The Dreaded ChristmasLess Newsletter Not much going on this year. I got to know my couch better. Discovered new flavors of Cheetos. Immediately answer all emails, texts, IM, voicemail, tweets, Instagram, GroupMe, anything really as I am just so gosh darn happy to communicate in some form with…
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Posted inHumor

The Dreaded Christmas Letter is a darkly humorous must-read

Every year I look forward to getting The Dreaded Christmas Letter from Nancy, a long-time friend of my wife,  who ives in the San Francisco Bay area and teaches piano, plus water aerobics. This year Nancy's appealingly funny letter arrived via Facebook today, where it was easy to copy into a blog post where, hopefully, it will receive the worldwide adulation it deserves.  Enjoy. Since I stole all of the words from her newsletter, I figured I might as well steal the Facebook photos also. The Dreaded Christmas Newsletter What fun we had this year! Walking through walls, being able…
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Posted inHome life Humor

Santa Claus must be impeached

My wife and I find no pleasure in sharing four articles of impeachment against Santa Claus in our 2019 Christmas letter. (Well, maybe just a little bit of pleasure.)  But we couldn't stand by and let the transgressions of Santa go unmentioned. Here's how we see the case against Santa Claus.Download 2019 Christmas Letter PDF
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Posted inHome life Humor

I wore socks with sandals and…survived!

As the saying goes, I felt the fear and did it anyway. No, I didn't climb Everest. Nor did I surf a 50 foot wave. My action was way more courageous.  Two days in a row, I wore socks with sandals out in public.  And not just any old socks and any old sandals. I went for the gusto, the full enchilada, the maximum shock. I paired the colorful limited edition version of Teva's Hurricane sandal that's a collaboration with Outdoor Voices, and equally colorful Darn Tough socks that I found at the Salem Summit Company. Voila! Socks with sandals. …
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Posted inHome life Humor

Behold! Laurel and Brian’s 2018 Christmas Letter

Once again, we defy the trends of the times by writing a Christmas letter that -- gasp! -- gets printed out and inserted into Christmas cards that are -- double gasp! -- mailed. Well, that "we" really means me, Brian. But after I cobble together a letter, Laurel reads it and has the opportunity to change it. This year she said, "Should we really talk about our health problems?"  To which I replied, sure. The problems are as much a part of our life as is our joy at the Democrats taking back the House in the midterms, which is…
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Posted inBlack Butte Ranch Humor Recreation

My amazing Black Butte Ranch adventure

There are those who talk about doing great things. Then there are those who do great things. I'm pleased to be both "those's." I both do and talk. So after canine ZuZu and human Brian explored the far reaches of the mysterious land in the wilds of Black Butte Ranch known as Big Meadow, I was pleased to document our adventure -- just as (well, sort of as) Lewis and Clark chronicled their great journey of discovery. Behold, and click... 
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Posted inHumor

Today’s (sort of) Larry David moment

Amazingly, in the 15 years I've been blogging, I've only written one previous post about a Larry David moment. That was way back in 2004, "Larry David would be proud of me." Excerpt: I don’t consciously try to emulate Larry David, but perhaps watching so many episodes of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” is having some kind of subliminal effect on me, amplifying my inherent Larry David tendencies. Last night we had dinner at a Thai restaurant in Silverton with four friends. So it was two vegetarians, Laurel and me, sitting down to dine with four meat-eaters. Picking up our menus, my…
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Posted inGrowing older Humor

Here’s some things to look forward to in old age, young people

I'm 69. When I was a youngster of, oh, 50 or so, I'd look upon the age I am now as so impossibly, horribly, inconceivably old, that I'd shudder at the thought of becoming, cursed be the name, a senior citizen.  So now that I've become what I once dreaded, an old person, I figure it's my duty to point out to young people some of the good things that come with geezer'ness. In no particular order, young un's, because my mind no longer works well enough to encompass the concept of ranking, here's some of the marvelous delights that…
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Posted inHumor Living with a catheter

New life goal: be a humorous mindful Taoist stay-at-home

I find many things weird. Most of them reside within my own cranium. After all, that's really the only place weirdness resides -- in a human mind. Like, mine. One of my weirdnesses is that even though I'm an avid blogger, for the past year I've largely avoided writing about the Central Fact of my life since May 2017. Namely, my 68 year-old bladder deciding to call it quits during a visit to central Oregon, which led through a series of increasingly disturbing events to my current state of being an Old Man Who Has to Pee Via a Catheter. …
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Posted inHome life Humor

Fred Meyer, free those organic bananas!

Having been a vegetarian for 48 of my 69 years, I'm attuned to the suffering of sentient animals. But of late my compassion has been expanding to insentient fruits and vegetables, perhaps due to the intense 10 minutes of daily morning meditation I do via listening to the Daily Calm on my iPhone (some of which I actually stay awake for). So the sight of these organic bananas I bought today at the South Salem Fred Meyer filled me with such sorrow, I could hardly wait to get home and pour out my feelings via a blog post. Now, Fred…
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Posted inHome life Humor

Here’s another dark, twisted, and funny Christmas letter

If you like dark and twisted Christmas letters, and I sure do, you'll love this one that just came from one of my wife's friends. She has a great sense of humor. I changed the names to protect the innocent, aside from my wife's name, Laurel. A previous Christmas letter by the same person that's also darkly funny can be found here.  The Dreaded Christmas Newsletter So who wants to be a millionaire? I will soon be one, but I think I must die first. My liquid assets amount to $27 in the bank, but my house is fast approaching…
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