Posted inTango/Dance

In Tango, as in marriage, the man is always wrong

Last night our dance instructor reminded us of the Tango truth: “The man is always wrong.” A murmur of agreement was heard from the women. I could hear several men mutter, “Just like marriage.” Carlos, a guest instructor a few months back, gave us the same message. Guess I’ll have to live with it. Not that I disagree with the adage, especially after repeatedly stepping on Laurel’s feet as we tried to learn some cross foot moves. Tango, Carlos told us, is just a man walking with a woman so she will fall in love with him. At least during…
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Posted inHome life Humor

I didn’t know strangling was part of poker

Last night I played poker for the first time since high school. And thus also for the first time without being drunk. I learned a lot about five-card draw from our poker-savvy neighbors, Tim and Jan. From the other player at the table besides me, Laurel, I learned that it isn’t a good idea to take almost all of your wife’s chips on the last hand of the game. Unless you enjoy being strangled when the chips are redeemed. I’m considering becoming a poker pro. At nine p.m. I put in $5. At ten fifteen I got back $8.65. That’s…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Once more, with feeling: “Oregon is not a high tax state!”

Today, on KPAM’s Victoria Taft show, I listened to Republican gubernatorial candidate Ron Saxton blather on about out-of-control state spending. That’s a fiction. I proved so in my April post, “Oregon is not a high tax state.” In my blogger delusionality, I figured that would be the end of it. Politicians and talk show hosts would have learned the truth. My post would have changed the world. Sadly, the message obviously hasn’t gotten through. So I’ll sing my song again. Oregon ranks 36th out of the 50 states in state and local taxes as a percentage of per capita income.…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Who’s to blame for Black Crater fire? Bush, of course.

Now that the 9,400 acre Black Crater fire near Sisters, Oregon is nearly contained, the local weekly is asking why the fire wasn’t stopped when it was 50 to 100 acres in size, before it threatened residential communities. The Nugget newspaper’s answer: lack of resources. Sisters District ranger Bill Anthony is quoted: “The fix is, obviously, to make more resources available,” said Anthony. And that would take a considerable ramping up of funding. “I would say that that discussion needs to be between the citizens and the public representatives that represent them,” Anthony said. My wife and I are part…
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Posted inRecreation

Simple pleasures on the Metolius

This is the title of an article in the August 2006 issue of Sunset magazine. Read it. If you’ve never been to central Oregon’s Metolius River, it’ll make you want to go. If you’re there already, like we are, it’ll help explain the smile on your face. Not that smiles need explanation. And not that every moment on the Metolius is pleasurable. Take, for example, simply standing in the 48 degree water. The air was 90 degrees when Laurel did that this afternoon, on a hike downriver from the Wizard Falls fish hatchery. Yet a few seconds after I took…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

U.S. military in Iraq can’t even count

It’s no wonder things are going so bad in Iraq. The U.S. military can’t even count. Images taken from drones flying over the recent massive pro-Hezbollah rally in Baghdad supposedly showed that 14,000 people attended the demonstration. The organizer of the march, Moqtada al-Sadr's Mehdi Army, said the crowd totaled one million. So who are you going to believe? I’d say, “none of the above.” An Iraqi working for the Los Angeles Times estimated there were at least 100,000 demonstrators. Tellingly, the story in which this estimate appeared said, “American military officials, eager to play down support for Hezbollah, put…
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Posted inDogs Salem

Images of 2006 Salem Dog Parade

Once again this year I guaranteed a loss for Serena in the Best Costume category by simply tying a bandana around her neck and heading off to yesterday's Salem Dog Parade. I’d considered entering the dog/human look-alike contest, but couldn’t decide whether to dye my hair blonde or Serena’s fur gray. But this couple looked muy adorable even with different colored coiffures. T-shirts and micro-skirts were, as always, popular on larger dogs. Next year we’re going to dress Serena up properly, I almost promise. If I was an Oregon State fan, I’d caption this photo “A dog of an Oregon…
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Posted inCurrent affairs Sustainability

Bush finally embraces sustainability. For a bad reason.

I’m still trying to get my head around George Bush’s new love for sustainability, a Green word decidedly at odds with this envirophobic president. Yet there he is these days, calling for a sustainable this and that. The problem is, the “this and that” Bush wants to sustain is the war in Lebanon and its extension to Syria and Iran. Sure, he speaks about his desire for a sustainable cease fire in the Middle East, but what Bush really means is that he wants Israel to keep pounding Hezbollah (and innocent civilians) until fire from across the border ceases, because…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

The least we owe them is a tear

If I was the parent of one of the 37 children killed by the Israeli bomb that hit the Lebanese town of Qana last night, the least I’d expect from the citizens of the country whose President and Secretary of State see no need for a cease fire that would have saved the lives of those innocents is this: A tear. Better, lots of them. Have we forgotten how to cry? Sometimes it takes a talented writer to remind us of what it means to be human. (Are you paying attention, George and Condoleezza?). I’ve just finished reading “God Laughs…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

David Gregory pitches Bush a hard question. Whiff!

This morning I was drowsily watching President Bush and Prime Minister Blair answer softball questions lobbed at them by a passive press corps when NBC’s David Gregory woke me up with a fast ball pitched right over the plate. “Mr. President, three years ago you argued that an invasion of Iraq would create a new stage of Arab-Israeli peace. Yet today there is an Iraqi prime minister who’s been sharply critical of Israel. Arab governments, despite your arguments for criticizing Hezbollah, have now changed their tune. Now they’re sharply critical of Israel. And despite, from both of you, warnings to…
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Posted inEntertainment

My TV confessions

As a lapsed Catholic who hasn’t made a formal confession in some forty-five years, sometimes I feel the need to lay my sins bare. Blogosphere, serve as my virtual confessor, for I have committed some venial (and maybe mortal) television watching sins. Fox News. I’ll start with my most shameful viewing act. During my morning cable news channel surfing I spend more time tuned to Fox News than CNN. My wife will notice and say (or scream), “Why are you watching that!” Well, because Fox is energetic, youthful, and hip while CNN is lethargic, mature, and drab. Plus, in the…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Bush administration flip flop: now destroying embryos isn’t murder

Bush spokesman Tony Snow told us that Bush believes embryonic stem cell research is murder before he told us that it isn’t. Today at the White House press briefing Snow backed off the “murder” word, retreating to “The President has said that he believes this is the destruction of human life.” Hmmmm. So Bush vetoed a bill that would have allowed federal funding of embryonic stem cell research because this entails destroying human life. Yet it is OK if private funds destroy human life. I’m with Steve Young on this one: murder is murder no matter who’s paying. Oh, except…
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Posted inSalem

Images of Salem Art Fair 2006—I liked it hot

When we had no trouble finding a parking space yesterday just a few blocks from this year’s Salem Art Fair, I knew that Oregonians are indeed heat-weenies. And when Laurel started to complain about how hot it was even before we’d passed through one of the semi-voluntary gates, I knew that I was married to a true Oregonian (albeit one born in Illinois.) The $5 suggested admission fee this year is semi-voluntary because it would be easy to walk around the barrier. However, some pretty fearsome Girl Scouts were manning, or rather, girling, the gate. I wasn’t about to chance…
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Posted inHome life

Field mowing: my sweaty hell and heaven

I keep hearing of more and more people my age—late 50s, early 60s—who are moving to easy care condos with a few potted plants on the deck. Every year at field mowing time this seems like a damn good idea to me. And also, a horrible prospect. We’ve got about a dozen grassy areas on the five acres surrounding our house that need an annual mowing. Reasons: reduce fire danger, aesthetics, keep brush from growing in. Side benefit: gain insight into the adage, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” This is a unpleasant job. My attitude hasn’t changed from…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Bush believes embryonic stem cell research is murder

Take a look at this eight-cell human embryo. Does it look like a person? Would using it for stem cell research, rather than destroying it, be murder? President Bush believes so. That’s why he’s going to veto the stem cell legislation passed by Congress. Today White House Press Secretary Tony Snow was asked by a reporter, “Can you remind us why the President believes that it is more appropriate for stem cells to be thrown away than to be used in this case for medical research?” Snow’s answer: What the President has said is that he doesn’t want human life…
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Posted inSustainability

Camp Sherman threatened by Jefferson County

If you love Camp Sherman and the Metolius River, you need to help defend this beautiful piece of Oregon. For the Jefferson County Board of Commissioners is determined to cast aside Camp Sherman values in favor of zoning changes that would foster ticky-tacky development. As the Friends of the Metolius put it in their July newsletter: For twenty-five years Camp Sherman folks have worked for sensible, sensitive land use planning for the private land in the Metolius Basin. They have sought rules which would produce development that was small scale, low key, conservative, deliberate, that was protective of the natural…
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Posted inWriting/Weblogs

Blogs or books, it’s cool to comment

These “Pearls Before Swine” comic strips humorously address the sad state of the blogger who doesn’t get comments. I know just how the goat feels. It’s cool to get blog comments. Or, reader reviews. Last month Boudewijn Koole of The Netherlands made my day when I noticed his lengthy Amazon review of my book about Plotinus. The ending made me smile: Altogether this is a very valuable introduction into the original philosophy of Plotinos. Not difficult to read, nor does it reduce to meaninglessness the sometimes profound or complex questions that can be posed. On the contrary, this book is…
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Posted inCurrent affairs Humor

Request to be added to U.S. Terror Targets

Dear Secretary Chertoff: Today I noted with considerable satisfaction that the Department of Homeland Security includes a petting zoo and popcorn factory in your list of potential U.S. terror targets. Great work. I’m pleased that you’re thinking outside of the box when it comes to outsmarting the evildoers who wish to do us harm. What greater threat to the American way of life could there be than blowing a floppy-eared goat to smithereens, or striking a blow at our God-given right to chew noisily on overpriced snacks while watching a movie? My only concern is whether you have overlooked any…
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Posted inCurrent affairs Philosophy

Bush administration disrespects Wiccans

What’s the deal, President Bush? Your administration touts the importance of religion, yet the Department of Veteran Affairs refuses to put a religious symbol on the memorial for a decorated soldier killed in Afghanistan. A Wiccan symbol. Sgt. Patrick Stewart of the Nevada National Guard is the first Wiccan killed in combat. But 1,800 Wiccans are on active duty in the armed forces. And applications for the use of the pentacle on grave markers have been pending for nine years. I hope the several hundred thousand Wiccans in this country bring down upon Bush whatever karmic consequences he deserves for…
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Posted inHome life

My grocery list system, a gift to the world

I’m hugely proud of my grocery list system. I’ve worked on it for many years, evolving it into a highly refined state. It’s time to offer it to the world. Behold The Hines Household Grocery List! Click on this thumbnail and let it enlarge (erotic, isn’t it?) so that we can examine the fine points together. Now, the main use of this list is for my weekly shopping expedition. I’m the designated grocery hunter. I bring back the bulk of the supplies. My goal is to get everything on the list and to waste little time on getting anything that…
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