Posted inWriting/Weblogs

Google God, your blessings overwhelm me

As the saying goes, “Be careful of what you wish for, since you may get it.” Previously I have prayed that the great Google God would grace me with a multitude of hits, allowing me to know that my weblog labors are bearing fruit in the garden of the blogosphere. And now, ever since Google Images indexed some photos that I included in a “The Tao of Paris Hilton” post, my Google cup runneth over. Whereas previously daily visitors to HinesSight typically numbered in the hundreds, now my weblog statistics reveal that it is in the thousands—today, over eight thousand,…
No Comments
Posted inNeighborhood

Wildfire risk-assessing on a rainy day

I told our dog, “Serena, do you see all those people with clipboards walking around our yard? They’re looking for canine rooters, dogs who root around in tall grass looking for field mice until their noses are brown with dirt and their lips are raw. Could you be one of the dogs they’re looking for?” Well, it was worth a try. Serena is going to lose all the hair on her muzzle if she doesn’t moderate her Spring obsession with rooting up newly active (and, sadly, probably newly born) rodents. Unfortunately, she didn’t seem to be wary of our clipboard-toting…
No Comments
Posted inCurrent affairs

Join the Unitarian Jihad

Laurel and I are proud to report that we have committed to the Unitarian Jihad, whose first communiqué has been reported by the San Francisco Chronicle’s Jon Carroll. Here’s an excerpt: We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require people to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love suggested that we institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but her motion was not formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.) We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take jobs…
No Comments
Posted inBooks Plotinus Writing/Weblogs

Anxiously analyzing Amazon’s text stats

Just what I didn’t need the first “work” (using that term in a writer’s sense, extremely loosely) day after a relaxing vacation in Maui. In the course of checking on my book’s miniscule sales status, I discovered that the geniuses at Amazon.com have added some new features to their already filled-to-the-gills web site that can make an author anxious: Readability statistics for books included in their Search Inside the Book program (where authors/publishers send Amazon a book to be scanned, after which every darn word can be searched for and sample pages perused). Plus a concordance of the 100 most…
No Comments
Posted inHome life

Lows and highs of being home again

Coming home to 55 degree Oregon after twelve days in 78 degree Maui is a shock. Waking up moderately jet-lagged this morning revealed the lows and highs of returning from vacation. Low. The refrigerator is disturbingly empty. Low. The grass is scarily high. Low. The mower that cuts the grass chose this day to break a belt. Low. The suitcase filled with recently-bought shirts that are a mass of wrinkles owing to my poor folding skills (see post below). An ironing board is in my destiny. High! Serena survived the kennel, where she was appropriately given a Hawaiian-themed bandana to…
1
Posted inRecreation

Final report from Maui

I’m almost packed for the flight home tomorrow. I have gone from clothing-deprived (see April 1 “How to get a man shopping” post) to Hawaiian Airlines bag overweight-likely. Laurel too. We’ve acquired a small, in retrospect, too small, extra bag to check into which we’ve crammed the heaviest items that otherwise would go in our suitcases. The last time we flew home from Maui we not so brilliantly managed to pay overweight charges on both our suitcases, our excessively mellow minds not being able to fathom that if we simply took a few heavy things out of one suitcase and…
No Comments
Posted inRecreation

More photos from Maui

Reporting from the shores of Napili Bay, I am pleased to announce that Laurel was whistled at during her morning walk around Kapalua and the Ritz Carlton. She humbly told me that she was whistled at from behind, but I assured her that, even at the age of 56, her front is well worth being whistled at also. Here’s Laurel at dusk in front of the amazing waterfall at the Grand Wailea Hotel which, admittedly, would look a lot more amazing if the camera flash had reached it. We went to Kihei and Wailea yesterday and enjoyed walking around the…
No Comments
Posted inRecreation

Boogie boarding do’s and don’ts

For a haole (non-Hawaiian/Caucasian) visiting Maui, my boogie boarding style is not bad—particularly for a 56 year-old Oregon guy. So, before I wipe out and crush my skull on a reef rock, I want to share some of the boogie boarding wisdom I’ve accumulated over several decades of warm-water vacationing. First and most important: look good before you set out for the beach. Who knows, the surf may be down and you’ll spend the whole day sitting on your beach mat. You want to look like a boogie boarder even if you’re not boogieing. Here I’m modeling, from top to…
22
Posted inRecreation

How to get a man shopping

Ladies, I’m sure you’ve asked yourself, “How can I get my man to love shopping as much as I do?” Admit it: you enjoy being with him, but it’s a drag when you’re just getting warmed up after hitting a dozen stores and he’s starting to whine, “Honey, can we go home now, I’m all shopped out.” I have an answer for you. At least, an answer for when the two of you go on vacation. After he has finished packing his suitcase, open it up and take most of his clothes out. That way, when you arrive at your…
No Comments
Posted inRecreation

Life and death on a Maui beach

I may have watched a man die today at Napili Bay. Even on vacation reality intrudes, especially for the man and his family. I hope he lived. I’ll know what I read The Maui News tomorrow. What I do know now is that it is possible to die on a beach, relaxing in Hawaii, with not a care in the world. Until… A burly fellow vacationer is pressing on your chest, doing CPR, while another man is rhythmically blowing air into your mouth. Your face is ashen. Your body is motionless. Waves break over your feet. But you can’t feel…
1
Posted inRecreation

Feeling half my age on Maui

We got to Maui yesterday. I’d only been here a few hours when I felt half my age. Actually, less than half. For I was “carded” while buying some groceries at the Napili Market. Ah, the joy! I immediately thought that I must be the most youthful-looking fifty-six year old on earth when a checker asked to see my driver’s license before he’d sell us the wine that Laurel had put in our basket. Unfortunately, it turns out that Maui County has a law requiring proof of 21-ness before alcoholic drinks can be sold to anybody. This seems ridiculous, especially…
No Comments
Posted inHome life

Mole control tips

Like many homeowners, Laurel and I have had a love-hate relationship with moles. On balance it’s been about 1% love and 99% hate, with a mild feeling of closeness to the bastards arising only when our dog manages to dig one up, starts playing with it, and the mole frantically tries to wave its paws and dig its way to safety—a tough job when you’re caught between the jaws of a gentle-mouthed Lab-Shepherd mix. If you’re looking for a solution to your own mole problem, I’ll get right to our current approach to controlling the S.O.B.s. These boxes contain 80…
9
Posted inCurrent affairs Philosophy

We all are Terri Schiavo

I’d like to write about something other than Terri Schiavo. But I can’t stop thinking about her. Why? Because I am Terri Schiavo. And you are Terri Schiavo. We all are Terri Schiavo. By which I mean: whoever Terri Schiavo is—body, soul, matter, spirit—each and every person is. This is the root reason why her situation is so compelling and produces so much passion. Whatever will happen to her when she dies is what will happen to you and me when we die. If Terri is merely a material body, then when her body dies she is gone forever. Since…
6
Posted inCurrent affairs

Terri Schiavo and Democratic silence

Channel-surfing through the cable news networks this morning, I chanced upon a MSNBC interview about the Schiavo case that made me say to myself, “How wise are this man’s observations!” Namely, he was agreeing with what I said in yesterday’s post: the Democrats are wussing out on this issue because they’re scared of the religious right/social conservatives. Here’s what Terry Neal, chief political correspondent for WashingtonPost.com, had to say: MSNBC anchor: “So why have the Democrats been so silent, so quiet [about the Terri Schiavo case]? Neal: “Well, that’s a good question. There’s still a lot of soul-searching among the…
3
Posted inCurrent affairs

Democrats on wrong side of Schiavo law

An ABC News poll says that 70% of Americans feel that it was inappropriate for Congress to get involved in the Terri Schiavo case. So it was ill-advised of the Democrats (particularly in the Senate) to be so supportive of a law that the vast majority of people oppose. Democrats aren’t going to get back in power by missing opportunities like they had in the weekend voting. The Schiavo bill is clearly unconstitutional, so the Dems could stand tall for the rule of law, state’s rights, due process, and all that legal stuff. The Schiavo bill also is clearly against…
1
Posted inHome life

Carpet cleaning: the horror of it all

Note what lies in front of the caveman in what I must assume is a historically accurate The New Yorker cartoon (December 20/27 issue). A carpet. He doesn’t look happy. He shouldn’t be. His cavewoman gatherer has just introduced a hitherto unknown horror into his caveman life. Carpet cleaning. Yesterday I endured my semi-annual carpet cleaning hell. Laurel knows that I hate these incursions into our cave. It doesn’t matter. She calls up the carpet cleaner and schedules them anyway. I had been dreading the coming of 9:00 am on Friday all week. The reality was even worse than I…
1
Posted inHome life

Thank you, Willamette Week personals

click to enlarge Some sixteen years ago Laurel placed a personals ad in Willamette Week. This was in the ancient pre-online days, so I read about this 40 y.o. aware, fit, well-educated, independent, successful, attractive, blonde, long-haired SWF as I was thumbing through a Willamette Week copy that I had picked up at the state Capitol. This enticing and absolutely accurate description got me to write a letter to Box 601 that evening. As of today we’ve been married fifteen years. Thank you, Willamette Week. By the way, karmically speaking it was interesting that a personals ad in a Portland…
2
Posted inWriting/Weblogs

Blogging about Nightline’s blogging program

If you missed it, here’s a recap of last week’s Nightline program about bloggers and blogging. True to the blogging spirit, I’m working from my middle-aged memory. I didn’t take any notes while watching the program, nor do I want to take the time to review it—though it still resides on my digital video recorder. This is my take on the program. Take it or leave it. Bloggers, said Nightline, are wonderfully opinionated. Well, if you are on the wrong side of their opinion, then it won’t seem so wonderful. But the subjectivity of weblogs is what makes them so…
1
Posted inCurrent affairs

White House doublespeak about rendition

Whenever I watch C-Span’s coverage of the daily White House press briefings I wonder how the correspondents keep their sanity. It’s admirable that the blogger at FishbowlDC persevered until he finally got a White House press pass. But I bet he often thinks, listening to spokesman Scott McClellan, “Why the heck am I wasting my time here?” For McClellan is a master of using robotic responses that have little or no connection to what is being asked. It’s amusing to use the 30 second advance button on my digital video recorder and hear McClellan repeating the exact same words every…
No Comments