McCain voters, please save our sanity

If you’re thinking of voting for John McCain, consider this: you’re running the risk of vastly increasing mental illness in this country. Mostly of the depressive variety, though I wouldn’t rule out major psychotic breaks if your man wins next Tuesday.

So be compassionate. Vote your values, Christian or otherwise. Perform a selfless act. Help those in need.

Like, my wife and me. We were just talking about what it’d be like to spend the next four years watching Sarah Palin mangle the vice-presidency, while McCain dodders his own way along.

Laurel thought that she’d have to stop reading the newspaper, watching TV, and listening to the radio. Probably even that wouldn’t be enough, because her friends would be keeping up with news about the McCain-Palin administration and couldn’t help blurting out what’s happening.

Thus a vote for McCain could end up producing a recluse who spends her days wandering around our house, muttering to herself. How did it happen… what went wrong… Oh Obama, where have you gone…

Sure, this isn’t likely to happen. The odds are less than 3% at the moment. But this is how depressive insanity strikes: when people’s guards are down and the future looks oh-so-rosy. Until, it isn’t.

Since the core of McCain’s support comes from conservative fundamentalist Christians, I’m asking those poised to vote for him to consider: What would Jesus do?

Wouldn’t he give of himself to fulfill the needs of others? Wouldn’t he lift up the poor, the lame, the infirm, the Obama supporters teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown?

Absolutely.

Jesus would say, "Brothers and sisters, support Barack even if your heart is with John. For he who surrenders his vote in the name of loving compassion shall be rewarded a hundredfold. Including getting your taxes reduced if you make under $250,000."

If Obama loses, which some say could only be due to one bad thing, my descent into madness likely would take a different turn from Laurel’s.

I’d still immerse myself in the media. To assuage the pain of seeing Palin and her sidekick, some sort of numbing would be necessary. Alcoholism or drug addiction, probably. Maybe both, just to make sure that I don’t feel the horror.

I’m trying to take some preventive measures — hoping to inoculate myself against the 3% chance of McCain making it into the White House by reading "10 Reasons Why McCain Might Win." Most don’t make sense, fortunately for my future mental health.

However, I’m begging potential McCain voters not to take any chances. Keep Obama-supporting Americans like me and my wife off of a depressive slide into a progressive black hole.

Vote for Barack. You may not be happy you did, but we sure will be. Remember: it’s better to give than to receive.


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4 Comments

  1. Harry Vanderpool

    Not to worry. Even though our votes for McCain cancels out your votes for Whozit, I’m sure that most voters in Salem-fransisco will also vote for the wrong guy.
    Sure will be nice to not hear all the political ads every 10 seconds.

  2. Roger

    I really need to see this, Monday night, on SNL.
    Dana Carvey’s “Church Lady” and Tina Fey’s “Sarah Palin” get together and have a really nice chat. Sarah talks about her Maveric, and the Church lady says, “well isn’t that SPECIAL!!!!!!!!”
    Talk about a ton of laughs…….

  3. All Economy, all the Time

    The economy and jobs are all that matter in this election. All of the other issues were important until the economy went down the drain. Now, voters will elect the person they think can get us out of this mess.
    I found this poll that asks which candidate has the better jobs agenda —
    http://www.friendsoftheuschamber.com/email/email4.cfm?id=159
    I’m willing to bet it predicts the outcome of the race.

  4. We find ourselves, our whole family, feeling like you describe. Tight feeling in put of stomach and sighing over whether this could be another huge disappointment. I am thinking positive but it’s hard having just gone through 8 years of people who voted for and supported Bush, some of whom now realize that was wrong, but too late, and ready to vote for another mistake in McCain Palin. People amaze me sometimes and not in a good way *s*
    I will be so glad when it’s over and hopefully we can release it– however it ends, and make our lives as good as we can. It won’t be easy if McCain somehow convinces enough people that he isn’t Bush all over again. Ack!

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