Oregon Ducks football team, our relationship needs some work

Dear University of Oregon football team, my granddaughter is a sophomore at your fine institution, and I’ve followed you closely for many years. So I feel that we have a relationship — though obviously I know much more about you than you know about me. Namely, nothing.

This is why I’m writing. Not that there’s much hope my message will reach you. But at least I will have tried to explain why our (one-sided) relationship needs some work.

Now. Never felt this way before. This football season just seems way different. I’ve gotten used to our ups and downs, how my heart would be broken when you would come close to a national championship, yet never get across the hurdle into #1 land. I’d wipe away my tears and put my hopes into next season.

Just like I did this year. Except I had even greater expectations for our relationship this time around.

I kept reading on sports pages about how last season you faltered against Indiana because that team had more experienced players, and Oregon was unduly youthful. But with a high quality returning quarterback, Dante Moore, and other 5-star players, finally the ingredients for a run at a national championship were in place.

You were ranked #2 at first. I was thrilled. I knew there would be some bumps in our relationship this season — perfection doesn’t exist in sports, nor in life — but I trusted that you wouldn’t let me down until late in the season, and maybe not even then.

Then reality happened. I know, you probably think it was my fault that I expected so much of you. It just felt natural, given all the pre-season hype about how good the Oregon football team would be.

Game 1 against Boise State was a wake-up call. While you were victorious, the game was a nail-biter. That led to you dropping to #6 in the national ranking. Then came game 2 against Oklahoma State. Since you were favored by something like three touchdowns, I looked forward to an easy win.

Nope, you tanked against a team with a lengthy losing streak. That dropped you to #18 in the country. Your blow-out win against Portland State made me feel a little better, but come on, it was Portland State. Seeing your players celebrate touchdowns against what amounted to a quality high school team as if they’d won the lottery made me wonder if the team had a mature attitude toward football.

Watching the USC game was painful. Your quarterback got knocked out (literally) by a disgusting targeting helmet to helmet shot as Dante Moore was sliding feet first after a run. But backup Dylan Raiola played great, pulling out a victory over a higher-ranked team.

Things seemed to be back on track in our relationship. I was feeling optimistic and relaxed as I settled into my recliner to watch the UCLA game. Except, even with two weeks to prepare (you had a bye week after the USC game), Raiola played horribly. For three quarters, if I recall correctly.

I assume that your coach, Dan Lanning, was watching the same game as me. There just wasn’t much evidence of this, since the same not-working plays kept being called for Raiola until your #3 quarterback, Brock Thomas, entered the game in the fourth quarter.

Too little, too late. Thomas was better than Raiola, just not good enough to pull out a win. That pushed you out of the national top 25 rankings, which is where you remain. Which brings me to yesterday’s game against Nebraska. Don’t take this the wrong way (though you probably will), but you’ve got some serious problems.

I’m thinking split personality, manic depressive, stuff like that.

Because the previous #2 football team in the country had 50 freaking yards of offense in the first half. The boos were raining down in Autzen Stadium — a wake-up call from usually highly supportive Ducks fans to get your shit together. I would have joined the chorus but figured that yelling from fifty miles away wouldn’t grab your attention.

Up until the third quarter I thought about watching paint dry rather than the game, it was that boring for a Ducks fan. Well, not only boring, disturbing also, given that the score was 7-0 in favor of Nebraska and you didn’t show any sign of scoring with Brock Thomas as quarterback. Your defense was the only thing that kept me watching the game, so thanks for that.

Then Coach Lanning belatedly woke from his slumber and replaced Thomas with Raiola. The comeback that ensued was a thing of football beauty, especially the perfectly thrown and caught touchdown in the back of the end zone with about a minute left in the game and Oregon trailing 14-9.

After a successful two-point conversion, making the score 17-14, I could relax. All was forgiven. You came through for me in the end. I (almost) could forget the preceding football futility in the first half and beginning of the second half.

Here’s my final thought, though: I don’t want us to go on like this. It’s too stressful for me, all the erratic behavior from you that I’m expected to put up with. Tough love on my part is called for. Telling it like it is.

Get a new offensive coordinator. Freshen up your play calling. When something isn’t working for the offense, don’t keep doing that same thing for three quarters. You’ve got a lot of talent. The possibility, though slim, of making the playoffs is still there. You just need to win the rest of your regular season games, including that crucial November 7 game against Ohio State.

It’s OK with me if you don’t win that game. All I’m asking is that, win or lose, you do it in a convincing fashion. By which I mean, playing hard and creatively to win, not being content to maybe not lose — which is how you looked for most of the game against Nebraska.