The Tao of Tango explains why politicians stumble

Life is a dance. I’ve just finished reading a little book, “The Tao of Tango,” that has some good insights about why we stumble. Both Taoism and Tango are all about yin and yang, following and leading, female and male energies. When these dualities aren’t balanced, missteps occur. Harmony goes down the drain. Shit happens. On our little personal dance floor of life, these stumblings are of little consequence except to us and those few with whom we come in contact. But when you’re a political leader, falling over your feet can bring a whole nation to its knees. Or…

Bad week for creationists and intelligent designers

Evolution was on the march last week, crushing the creationist crazies and intelligent design dogmatists. Will they now give up their anti-science jihad? Not likely. Unfounded religious beliefs are addictive, like other drugs. They relieve the anxiety that comes from living in a complex, mysterious, uncertain world. When the unknown can be banished with the wave of a faith-filled hand, that’s damn appealing. It's wrong. But still appealing. Myself, I prefer reality. And that’s what evolution is: real. More evidence of this has arrived via two breakthroughs: a transitional fossil that shows how fish evolved into land animals has been…

Baby carrot community shaken to roots

Nice headline, if I may say so myself. Which, since this is my blog, I am. I should clarify, though, that by “community” I basically mean “me.” Nonetheless, this is a big story for baby carrot crunchers: the King of Baby Carrots, Robert Grimm, died recently. At age 54. Of a heart attack. When I saw this in TIME’s “Milestones” section I almost choked. On a baby carrot. I eat a lot of baby carrots. My wife makes me. At the age of 57 I still need babying. “This is why,” Laurel tells me, “married men live longer than single…

Blowing off a Democratic fundraiser

Sorry, guy, when you phoned this afternoon and asked for a donation to the Democratic cause you caught me at a testy time. That’s why I ranted, “A pox on both the parties! More and more I’m moving to the center. Independents rule!” I understand why you hung up on me so quickly. You were looking for my Democratic wife and assumed that I was a kindred political spirit. Which, usually I am. But not to the extent of donating to the Demowussycratic Party. I’ll leave that to Laurel. I told the fundraiser that the Democrats are better than the…

“Big Love” and semen scraping dragonflies

Laurel and I have become fans of “Big Love,” the HBO series about a Salt Lake City polygamist and his three wives. From my male perspective, the most interesting aspect of Big Love is the central question asked on the show’s web site: “Think having three wives is a dream come true?” We’re an episode behind in our watching, but I’ve seen enough of Bill’s life with mature first wife Barbara, shopaholic second wife Nicki, and youthful sexpot Margene to be pretty certain of my answer. “No.” Bill has triple the sexual variety of the typical husband. However, he also…

Global warming is real. Debate over.

If you have any doubts that global warming is real, read the April 3 TIME magazine cover story and “Be Worried, Be Very Worried.” The evidence is in. The debate is over. Global warming is happening. Humans are the major cause of it. And we’re heading for disaster. Yes, there are still global warming deniers like Oregon climatologist George Taylor. But he’s been outed by Willamette Week and I haven’t heard any “global warming is a myth” craziness from George lately. Maybe he’s turned to arguing that creationism and intelligent design are fact, while evolution is fiction. Or that the…

Immigration reform brings strange days

Strange political days have dawned when I turn on my car radio, hear arch-conservative Michael Savage ranting about how awful it would be to give amnesty to twelve million illegal aliens, and say to myself, Right on, Michael! Like I’ve said before, the right is right on immigration reform. And by “right,” I mean the rightest of the right. Not the Arlen Specter sort of Senate moderates, but the fire breathing House Republicans like Dana Rohrabacher who said people should be able to “smell the foul odor that’s coming out of the U.S. Senate.” It is indeed foul when Democrats…

Why Measure 37 doesn’t make sense

I realize that many Oregonians don’t want to be bothered with the details of why sound land use planning benefits everybody, and why Measure 37 is a disaster. I’ll keep things simple. Let’s talk lemonade stands. It’s a hot summer. Every kid on the block gets the bright idea, “I’ll set up a lemonade stand on our lawn next to the sidewalk.” They all go to their parents for permission. The block is full of naysayers. “No way, kid. Find something else to do.” Except for one accommodating couple: “Sure, honey. It’s fine with us if you sell lemonade.” The…

Zen and the Final Four

Zen moments. That’s what I like the best about sports events. How they marvelously capture some of the deepest truths of life in living, breathing motion right there on my television screen. Consider the men’s NCAA basketball tournament. Images from a couple of last week’s games are as fresh in my mind as if they had just happened. Take Gonzaga vs. UCLA in the “Sweet Sixteen” round. Final score: Gonzaga 71, UCLA 73. A heartbreaker. I wanted Gonzaga to win. Badly. Mostly because UCLA already has won too damn many national championships. Also, I couldn’t help but root for Gonzaga…

Victory declared in the War on Blackberries

I’m pleased to report that, to coin a phrase, major combat operations in the HinesLand blackberry war ended today. Victory is ours! Well, mine, since my wife handles the mopping up and reconstruction duties, while I take care of the heavy duty combat. My last dispatch from the War on Blackberries was November 2004. In that communiqué I said, “We will not rest until every last offshoot of the Himalayan Blackberry evil-doers has been brought to justice.” Indeed, we, by which I mean me, haven’t. After the battlefield shifted to our newly-acquired five acres, as reported in “We buy some…

Bush national unity government hypocrisy

Of all the B.S. that comes out of the Bush administration’s collective mouth, there’s one phrase that deserves the Ultimate Heaping Pile of Crap Award: “Iraq must form a national unity government that governs from the center.” Good god. This comes from a president who has been one of the most divisive in U.S. history. He was elected in 2000 by the narrowest of margins, one Supreme Court vote. He was re-elected in 2004 because of 60,000 votes in Ohio that went his way. The Shiites in Iraq, who number about 60% of the population, have a much more valid…

Debra Lafave doesn’t deserve jail time

Let’s get real. Men and women are different. Boys and girls are different. When Debra Lafave was 23 she had sex with a 14 year old boy who was her student. Big deal. She should get a slap on the wrist, not jail time. Which is pretty much what happened. Today the remaining sex charges against Lafave were dropped, leaving her subject just to three years of house arrest and seven years of probation. Good. There’s a lot of people (translation: “guys”) in the blogosphere who think she deserves a medal. I wouldn’t go that far, but when this 57-year-old…

L.A. Bratz and Salem Sherpas

The current issue of The New Yorker has a to die for article about Los Angeles shopping and fashion. By “to die for,” I mean that I’d sell my soul to the Literary Devil if I could write as well as Patricia Marx, author of “To Shop and Drive in L.A.” She captures the L.A. scene beautifully. My daughter and her husband live in Hollywood, so I have a passing familiarity with the vibrant southern Cal lifestyle that is poles apart from what passes for life and style here in staid Salem, Oregon (see my “Wide-Eyed on Rodeo Drive”). I…

Blumenauer’s Iraq plan makes great sense

Driving home today, I heard Earl Blumenauer interviewed by Tom Parker on Portland’s KPAM. Congressman Blumenauer described his plan to phase U.S. forces out of Iraq. I don’t see how any rational person could disagree with it (but naturally Parker, a conservative, did). Blumenauer’s bill has the unfortunate title of “First Step to Redeployment Act of 2006.” I wish Democrats would learn the value of pithy evocative phrases, which Rove and company use so well. Anyway, the title is the most awkward aspect of Blumenauer’s plan, the basics of which he described simply and clearly: The Iraqi people don’t want…

Democrats need to grow some balls

I’m not usually a prayerful sort of guy, but I’m falling on my knees for this entreaty: “O blessed Tao, dear God, compassionate Buddha, send us some Democrats with balls. Big ones. Clanging ones. Hurry!

It was painful, and also hilarious, to watch the Daily Show last night. Paul Hackett, the Iraq war veteran who ran for the House in a solidly Republican district and almost defeated Jean Schmidt in an August 2005 special election, was featured. Hackett has balls.

Thus naturally he was unceremoniously dumped by the Democrats after he announced that he’d challenge incumbent Ohio Senator Mike DeWine. The Daily Show skewered Dem ballslessness by contrasting Hackett’s blunt straight talk with the circumlocutions of a pollster who blathered on about all the reasons Hackett wouldn’t be the best candidate.

I can’t stand it any more, this Democratic reluctance to stand up for anything other than being Republican-lite. A Daily Kos rant I ran across today, “Being Liberal Means Having Balls,” captures my disgust perfectly. I too am ready to vote for anyone with a progressive leaning who has some big ones.

If that means voting for an Independent like Ben Westlund, who’s running for Oregon governor, so be it. If that means voting for a Green party candidate, so be it. If the Democrats aren’t going to run on a ballsy platform—saying it like it is and sticking to their guns—then screw them. They deserve to lose.

As the Daily Show pointed out, that’s just what the Democrats have been doing: losing. Yet their reaction to being a powerless political party is to act even more powerless. They seem to believe that if they do nothing, Bush and the Republicans will self-destruct.

That’s delusional. Karl Rove and company are too smart to let that happen. They’ll pull some balls out of the bag before November and smash the Dems over the head with them. Again.

It’s like Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown. Grab the political football, Dems, and kick it as hard as you can. Don’t worry about rules, goalposts, strategy, or playing nice. Just kick the damn thing! For once.

New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd sounds much the same theme in “What’s Better? His Empty Suit or Her Baggage?” I’ll include it as a continuation to this post for those who don’t belong to Times Select.

I don’t know much about Barack Obama, but on the basis on Dowd’s column I’m willing to place him in the lightly populated “Democrats with balls” group. Hillary Clinton? Nope. She’s ballless. And not because she’s a woman—these sorts of balls aren’t physical.

Like so many Democrats, Clinton moves in whatever direction she senses the political winds are blowing, not where her own moral compass tells her to go. To do that, she’d need balls.

The Portland “boom!” An alien cover-up?

Saturday night, around nine pm, a mysterious loud boom was heard in the Portland area. Laurel and I happened to be at a friend’s condo in Sellwood at the time. All five of us in the room were startled by the sound. The condo owner, Mark, went out on the patio and listened for more booms. I thought it might be an earthquake. So did Laurel. But Channel 2 news says the boom wasn’t caused by an earthquake. Or Mount St. Helens. Or, likely, thunder. The KATU story theorizes that a meteor or military jet was the most probable cause…

City Council shooting Salem in the foot

Here’s an open secret: Salem, Oregon is an unappealing city. Here’s another: the Salem City Council is determined to keep it that way. Crazy. Salem already is crippled by poor planning, lack of creativity, and a boring downtown. Yet the City Council is busily engaged in shooting the city in its foot to hobble it even more. As I said in “Salem City Council knows zilch about sustainability,” state planners have rejected Salem’s land use policies as being inconsistent with good mixed-use development. Rather than doing the right thing and fixing the plan, the City Council is appealing to the…

“Assassination Tango” and our inner Argentinas

After a friend heard that Laurel and I were taking tango lessons, she suggested that we watch “Assassination Tango,” a 2003 movie starring, written, and directed by Robert Duvall. The tango scenes were marvelous, so far removed from the shuffling around that I’ve been able to master in a few lessons that to call what I’m doing “tango” is a stretch. Still, I could recognize a few moves that are (minimally) in my repertoire, such as the ocho. I learned from another review that in real life Duvall studies tango with Luciana Pedraza, who in the movie plays Manuela, an…

Is it possible to love “24” too much?

My week now centers around Jack Bauer and the rest of the “24” cast. As Monday evening approaches my heartbeat quickens. A rosy glow of anticipation brightens my cheeks. I begin to feel the titillating thrill that accompanies the righteous killing of terrorists. In short, I am in love. And though I know there should be no limits on love, I sometimes wonder: “Do I love too much?” Plus, what’s up with me loving Jack Bauer? Usually I’m not attracted to those strong, quasi-silent types (even though Jack’s expertise with computers means he could easily solve my intermittent Windows XP…

Academy Awards 2006: Beauty and the Beast

With Buddha-like compassion for the Googlers who are searching today for “Salma Hayek Academy Awards 2006” and finding my outdated 2005 photos of The Perfect Platonic Form of Woman, I offer a vision of Salma 2006. Who was, as always, one of the highlights of the show for me. And many millions of other men too. One of the lowlights was the Oscars’ repeated admonition to see movies in movie theatres rather than at home on DVD. That just made me more determined to avoid over-priced popcorn and talkative seat-neighbors whenever I can. Those who follow my performance at Jim…