Posted inFamily

A fabulous Father’s Day present

It was worth being woken up from my Sunday nap to get a terrific Father’s Day present: a phone call from my daughter, Celeste. Our connection was all the way from urban hip Hollywood, California to rural laidback Camp Sherman, Oregon. Today I felt that I’d earned a nap after rousing myself enough to take my bike into Sisters and get a flat tire fixed. After talking with Celeste I felt like I needed another nap. Listening to her passionate 34-year old plans for the future with my lethargic 57-year old psyche was a vicarious energy drain. And also, hugely…
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Posted inCurrent affairs Humor

Panexa. Ask your doctor for a reason to take it.

I’ve got to get me a prescription for Panexa. It should only be taken by patients experiencing one of the following disorders: metabolism, binocular vision, digestion (solid and liquid), circulation, menstruation, cognition, osculation, extremes of emotion. I qualify! And I’m not going to worry about the small percentage of squirrels who take Panexa and suffer from Excessively Floppy Tail Syndrome (EFTS). On the human front, the Panexa web site reassures me about the drug’s side effects: Most patients (2%) tolerate treatment with PANEXA well, especially when compared with prisoners of war of comparable size and weight. However, like all drugs,…
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Posted inHumor

Microsoft is my inscrutable Zen master

In a desperate attempt to make lemonade out of the Windows lemon, I’ve decided to look upon Microsoft as my Zen master. Perhaps I will be able to attain satori through my frustrating struggle with the baffling enigmas of Windows XP in much the same fashion as Hui-K’O cut off his left hand in his search for the Way. That is, the psychological maiming that my Microsoft Zen master makes me endure may be the prelude to recognizing the futility of human logic in seeking the ultimate. Which for me, in computer terms, would be to have an operating system…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Presidents of Iran and U.S. both believe in apocalypse

Oh, great. We’re screwed. The president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is aiming for apocalypse. And there’s good reason to believe that George Bush has an Armageddon obsession. This confluence of insane Islamic and Christian fundamentalism is going to make for some interesting foreign policy, and, if the crazies are to be believed, even more interesting theological battles. For a recent U.S. News & World Report article says that Ahmadinejad’s “Twelver Shiism” anticipates a Last Days that is quite different from the Christian version: This tradition holds that there were 12 legitimate successors (imams) to the prophet Muhammad, the last of…
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Posted inCurrent affairs Sustainability

Oregon Cougar Plan starts needless killing

The Oregon Fish and Wildlife Commission is hard at work spending taxpayer money on a nonexistent problem. Contract employees using hounds will be used to kill 66 cougars in three areas. These 66 cougars aren’t problem cougars. They’re just plain cougars. They haven’t been caught killing livestock or otherwise causing a nuisance to humans. In its idiocy, the Fish and Wildlife Commission came up with a cougar management plan that doesn’t seek to control problem cougars, but rather kills the animals en masse in areas where cougar complaints and purported cougar predation exceed 1994 levels. Gosh, what a great concept.…
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Posted inSalem

Fred Meyer’s “Family Friendly” check out lane

Yesterday I noticed that the south Salem Fred Meyer store had added a Family Friendly check out lane. Since I was by myself, and one does not make a family, I passed it by. I’m a stickler for check out rules. Always count the items in my cart before I turn into “Ten Items or Less.” I asked my cashier if what made the Family Friendly lane so FF was the absence of tabloids and magazines like the “National Enquirer” and “Cosmopolitan.” “Yes,” she said. She assured me that I could use the lane even if I didn’t have a…
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Posted inMiscellany

Lenovo’s unfair ThinkPad rebate game

[June 15 update: I just heard from Denise, the Lenovo customer service representative who has been considering my complaint. She agreed to send me $200, the amount of the rebate that I would have gotten if I'd bought my Z60m ThinkPad in June rather than May. That's great. I still believe I'm entitled to $250 but justice has been mostly served. Thank you, Lenovo. I still like the computer a lot. The IBM/Lenovo software and security package is excellent. Driver and other updates happen with a click of a button, and the built-in backup system is transparent and easy to…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

As Oregon strawberries go, so the state

Oregon strawberries are special. Research has proven that they’re sweeter, redder, and simply better. But they’re on the decline. Just like our state. Like a canary in a coal mine, the Oregon strawberry reflects the health of our previously vaunted livability. I’ve been doing my best to keep Oregon strawberry growers in business. Almost every day I buy a carton or two from Roth’s Sunnyslope Market in south Salem, which admirably sells quite a bit of local produce. It isn’t hard to decide between the delicious Oregon variety and the tasteless (by comparison) California berries. The latter travel better, so…
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Posted inHome life

I’m busted for bare feet

[Update, June 22: I'm pleased to report that I've received a bare foot pardon from the Courthouse Athletic Club. The River Road location, at least. Gary, the manager, says that it is OK to be shoeless in the corner of the weight room where I like to do my Tai Chi and Yoga thing. Thanks, Gary. I ordered some lightweight kung fu shoes before I got the news, though, and may end up wearing them at the club. Regardless, it's nice to have the bare feet option. I appreciate the support I received via comments from the bare foot community,…
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Posted inSustainability

Treasury secretary nominee favors Kyoto Treaty

George Bush seems to be warming up to the reality of global warming. Henry Paulson, his nominee for Treasury Secretary, is a supporter of the Kyoto Treaty and an avid environmentalist. My head is reeling. Could it really be true that Bush has converted to fact-based, rather than faith-based, policy making? If so, the foundations of my Bush-bashing world will be shaken. I’ll be finding good things to say about a President who, up until now, has blundered along from faulty gut instinct to faulty gut instinct. I worry that this is an aberration though. Physics tells us that the…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Bush’s upside down Memorial Day

I’ve never flown the American flag on Memorial Day. I’m certainly not going to start now, because George Bush’s misguided policies have turned this day of remembrance upside down. If I were to fly a flag, it’d have to be flown the same way, just as it was back in the Vietnam War protest days. I used to be proud that American men and women died so we could preserve our freedoms. Now I’m not proud that our freedoms are being taken away so, supposedly, we won’t die. That’s not the American way. That’s the cowardly way. The Bush administration…
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Posted inPhilosophy Tango/Dance

I’m learning to Tango with life

I got sent to remedial Tango class last Monday night. The guest instructor, Carlos Rojas, observed me dancing with my wife for a while. Then he walked over and said, “You’re not letting her finish her steps. You’re going to dance with Jodi now. Every time you interrupt her moves, she’s going to stop.” Jodi is Carlos’ tall, slim, charming, attractive, and highly skilled dance partner. With a teacher like that, I didn’t mind getting some remedial instruction. We started dancing. Then she stopped. We started again. We stopped again. Eventually I began to understand what I was doing wrong.…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Bush’s immigration plan is one big photo-op

Here’s why I’m disgusted with George Bush in general, and his immigration reform plan in specific. From the May 1 issue of TIME magazine, in an article about how the White House hopes to hold on to control of Congress by preaching to the right-wing faithful: Deploy guns and badges. This is an unabashed play to members of the conservative base who are worried about illegal immigration. Under the banner of homeland security, the White House plans to seek more funding for an extremely visible enforcement crackdown at the Mexican border, including a beefed up force of agents patrolling on…
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Posted inEntertainment

Toughest Jack, Bauer or Reacher?

It’s a difficult question. Between Jack Bauer and Jack Reacher, who is the toughest tough guy? I’ve been tossing the two of them around in my mind, trying to decide who’d come out on top. The wisest answer would be: it depends. You don’t want to piss either of these guys off. I know, because I’m a huge fan of both the Fox series “24,” where Bauer does whatever the hell he feels like, Counter Terrorism Unit bureaucracy be damned, and the Lee Child novels, where Reacher, an ex-military policeman and drifter, similarly operates both inside and outside the law…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Iraq and self-licking ice cream cones

A few days ago Laurel and I spent an interesting evening with someone who had just come back from a tour of duty in Iraq. He told it like it is: awful. He was asked, “Often it’s said that the media just reports the bad stuff that’s going on in Iraq. Do you think that’s true?” His response: “Actually, the situation is a lot worse than the media is reporting.” He had nothing good to say about the Bush administration’s failed war policies. This is from a guy who had his boots on the ground. He quoted an officer who…
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Posted inSalem

Hail and rhodie blossoms. Ah, Oregon.

White hail and red rhododendron blossoms. A haiku is in order. Man, that was one insane thunderstorm that blew through south Salem a few minutes ago. I’m glad my camera is water resistant. This photo was taken from inside the house through an open sliding door, but the wind was so strong, the rain blew right in on me. Our thunderphobic dog, Serena, survived the storm. Barely. After she frantically crawled into our bedroom closet, her usual first line of defense against thunderstorms, Laurel found her a new safe spot under a shelf in the pantry. Serena panted her way…
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Posted inTango/Dance

The romance of Tango

“Tango is just a man walking with a woman so she will fall in love with him.” As soon as our guest Tango instructor spoke those words, I knew that he had the rapt attention of all the women in the class. The men, too. I’m a romantic at heart. But after sixteen years of marriage I’ve gotten a bit lackadaisical in the romance department. The shelves are thinly stocked except at the predictable times: our anniversary, Laurel’s birthday, Valentine’s Day. So both of us are enjoying the romance of Tango through our Monday classes here in Salem. Last week…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Politics, my dear, the thrill is gone

It’s time for me to admit that my long term relationship has gone sour. I’ve been shacked up with politics almost my whole life. I was reading my mother’s National Review back when William F. Buckley was a youthful stud. I mostly look for good loving on the other side of the political tracks now. But so far this year the lefties have left me just about as cold as the righties. No matter whether they have a “D” or an “R” after their name, I’m not getting turned on. The thrill is gone. I’m glad that yesterday Kulongoski won…
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Posted inSustainability

Paving over paradise

We just got back from ten days on Maui. Paradise. And it’s being paved over. Sound familiar, Oregonians? Be careful about who you vote for in November. That “we’ve got to respect property rights” verbiage may sound fine, but what it really means is: paradise needs paving. Which it doesn’t. Not now, not ever. We’ve been to Maui almost every year since 1991. The traffic keeps getting crazier. The ocean views keep getting filled with condos. The construction cranes sprout faster than palm trees. Don’t get me wrong. Maui still is a wonderful place to visit. So is Oregon. However,…
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Posted inRecreation

Congratulations to the Napili Bay sidestroke champion

Namely, me. One reason you don’t see a sidestroke trophy in this photo is that the fools in charge of swimming championships don’t consider the sidestroke to be a competitive stroke. Another reason is that no one except me entered the sidestroke event that I’ve been taking part in the past nine days on Napili Bay here on Maui, perhaps because my mind is the only place it’s been publicized. Regardless, I love the sidestroke. It’s a contact lens wearer’s dream because your face stays out of the water all of the time. And you can enjoy the scenery while…
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