Home life

I'm a frequent Amazon shopper. Until recently I'd resisted the invitation to sign up for Amazon Prime: Amazon Prime is a membership program that gives you and your family unlimited fast shipping, such as FREE Two-Day shipping and One-day shipping for $3.99 per item on all eligible purchases for an annual membership fee of $79. Eligible customers can try out a membership by starting a free trial. But when I needed to have a book delivered quickly to prepare for a discussion group meeting, I decided to use the free trial to get it shipped to me in two days.…

I don't know why I gave this blog post the title I did. But that's how the Tao works: mysteriously. Anyway, I like feeling special, and so far Google tells me that the Internet is bereft of Taoist (or in this case, pseudo-Taoist) musings about how raking leaves leads one to recognize his or her oneness with the cosmos. By "one," of course, I mean me. So forget the "her" in the rest of this blog post, because in our home, contrary to our species' evolutionary history, the male is both the hunter and gatherer of leaves. A few days…

The line between craziness and great artistry is, of course, exceedingly blurry. Thus when my wife said "You're crazy!" upon hearing of my plans for a treehouse, I anticipated that I was heading in the direction of a wonderful artistic creation. Now, the prophecy has been fulfilled -- mostly due to Jim, a friend who also happens to be our housecleaner. (It's nice to have your home cleaned by someone who also can sharpen your chain saw blade, dig out deep tree roots, and build a tree house). Since Jim has a granddaughter about the age of my own (three),…

If you're a salesman (oops, salesperson) who deals with spendy items like appliances, autos, computers, or such, here's some advice on how to close a deal with someone like me: Don't act like a used car salesperson. Or even like a new car salesperson. Forget whatever sales techniques you've learned on your own or had drummed into you by your boss. Simply act like a normal human being and treat me the same way. You need to take this advice seriously, because there are a lot of people like me nowadays. We're used to buying stuff over the Internet, where…

Like lots of guys who are about to get their first Social Security check, I've been having some fantasies that would fall into a "mid-life crisis" category if I wasn't so damn old. I imagine cozying up to a younger and more petite model of what I've been accustomed to for so long, and am getting tired of. She'd be beautiful. Easy-maintenance. I wouldn't have to put up with all the problems I deal with now. She'd do what I wanted, when I wanted, and leave me in peace the rest of the time. I'm speaking, naturally, of a modern…

Out in the south Salem (Oregon) suburbs, there aren't many people asking passers-by for money. But once in a while I see somebody with a cardboard sign standing on the sidewalk at the junction of Liberty and Commercial. He or she is easy to ignore if I stare straight ahead until the light changes.I try to avoid reading what the sign says. It might be "disabled veteran -- need help." Something like that. I figure it's probably a con job. Today, though, there's wasn't any avoiding possible. I was starting to get on my Burgman 650 scooter after shopping at…

I'm a habitual checkbook balancer. For as long as I've had a checking account, some forty years, every month I sit down with the bank statement, my checkbook, a pen, and a calculator. I've never failed to balance the checkbook. But sometimes it takes me a while to find the error that is preventing me and the bank from being in perfect, to-the-penny agreement. (Invariably, those errors have been caused by me or my wife. As this person says in retgard to checkbook balancing, perhaps somewhat tongue in cheek, "the bank is always right.") Yesterday, though, was different. I'd made…

Last week I got a flu/cold sickness from my three year old granddaughter, Evelyn, who probably caught the virus on her plane trip up from California. Evelyn had been coughing for a few days before my own symptoms appeared.With no hesitation I started to let the world know about my pitiful condition. Cough. Cough. "Ohhhhhh, I'm sick!"Blow nose. "Ohhhhhh, I don't feel good!"Cough and blow nose. "Ohhhhhh, where's the cold medicine?!"It didn't take long for my wife, Laurel, to make an observation: "You're better at whining than a three year old." My utterly predictable reply: "Ohhhhhh, I'm sick! You have…

This is my Starbucks gold card. I haul it out of my wallet and show it to people whenever it seems appropriate. And also, when it isn't.On the front it says: "Brian Hines  Cardholder since 2008"Wow! That's two years ago. I deserve this prestigious card! Well, semi-prestigious, considering all I did to get it was use my old Starbucks rewards card 30 times.At least that's how I believe it came into my adoring hands. Starbucks says so, thus it must be true. I'm a cult member. I've even joined the Starbucks Passion Panel. What that means is, periodically Starbucks emails me…

"Second childhood" are words that haven't meant much to me until recently. I never thought of myself as old enough to warrant having them applied to me, especially since second childhood usually is a derogatory term.Noun1.second childhood - mental infirmity as a consequence of old age; sometimes shown by foolish infatuationsHey! Those are fighting words! I'm proud of my second childhood, especially my foolish infatuations. I don't feel like I'm 61. For some reason, the past few years I've been feeling younger with every birthday. If this is a mental infirmity, bring it on. More, please.A few hours ago I…

As the adage goes, "write what you know." I shall obey, because I know a lot about napping. Not academic knowledge -- first-hand, eyes-shut, direct experience. In fact, I just had a nap. That refreshment, combined with a cup of coffee, has stimulated me to share some of the napping wisdom that I've gained over many years.For I am not new to napping. In 1977, a few years out of graduate school, I began my second "real" job with the State Health Planning agency here in Salem, Oregon.I had a private office, being a manager. One of my first executive…

Oh, she's beautiful. But there are reports she could be deadly. Still, we've brought this high-tech Samsung washer into our laundry room, along with her non-malevolent dryer sister. Our nine-year old Maytag washer stopped working about a week ago. This kicked off an intense washing machine research effort, led by Laurel.She's the designated washer in our household, elevated to that position by virtue of (1) my incompetence in choosing the correct settings for washing and drying various types of clothes, and the related (2), Laurel's emphatic "just let me do it" when I offer to wash something that she values.So…

It's December 25. A perfect time to share our 2009 Christmas letter, the theme of which this year is disasters.Download 2009 Christmas Letter (its a PDF file)Actually, I always title our letter "Holiday Greetings." Laurel and I are, after all, politically correct Prius-driving latte-sipping progressive-voting vegetarian denizens of considerably godless Oregon, so the Christ part of Christmas is irrelevant to us.I do, though, worship the Great God Google. As noted on the blog post where my collected Christmas letters are located, I suffered a cyberspace shock five years ago when my "Christmas letter" Google search ranking dropped markedly after I…

Political junkie that I am, sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode from WTF craziness."I can't support the health care bill because it doesn't reduce costs enough," says one Senator -- who vigorously opposed the public option that would have saved Americans lots of money. Thankfully, Christmas letters are helping me preserve my sanity. They're a connection to the good old days (OK, maybe they didn't seem so good at the time, but now they do) when life seemed slower, simpler, less filled with aggravations.I hardly ever get actual letters in the mail anymore. Nor do I…