Posted inHome life

Another man satisfies my wife

Hey, I’m cool with it. I know that I can’t meet all of my wife’s needs. So it didn’t bother me when another guy came to our house yesterday and spent all afternoon doing stuff that made Laurel ooh and aah. I wish I could have given her all that pleasure on my own. But I’ve still got some macho self-esteem left, since I’ve convinced myself that it takes a real man to call the plumber. Who arrived right after lunch. First, he installed a replacement kitchen sink faucet, tearing out the old Moen that I had managed to reverse…
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Posted inNeighborhood

I pick up a hitchhiker

I started to pull over as soon as I saw her raise her hand and gesture at my car. A thirty-something woman in a long dress standing all alone on the side of Liberty Road five miles from Salem. I had to stop. My first thought was that she had car trouble and needed help. But there wasn’t any car in sight. I rolled down the passenger side window. “Oh, thank you for stopping,” she said. “I’ve been here for 45 minutes. I need a ride into town so I can catch a bus to go for a job interview.”…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Randi Rhodes is an embarrassment to progressives

I’m a progressive. Yet it’s painful for me to listen to Randi Rhodes, Air America’s equivalent of Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage. She’s an embarrassment for progressives. Rhodes routinely is uninformed, shrill, and rude. This wouldn’t be such a problem for the progressive movement if there were a wide variety of appealing liberal radio voices. But there aren’t, for the airwaves are dominated by conservative talk show hosts. The rantings of Limbaugh and Savage appeal to rabid right-wingers, just as Rhodes is the darling of unabashed lefties. On the right, Tony Snow and Sean Hannity are more moderate in tone.…
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Posted inHome life

A real man will call a plumber

Well, that’s the spin I’m putting on my phone call to Judsons Plumbing yesterday. To be honest, I feel totally emasculated. I finally had to admit that fixing a leaky kitchen sink faucet was beyond me. After my first quasi-successful fix-it attempt it took me a week to come to this conclusion. By “quasi,” I mean that I got the single-handle Moen faucet back together after disassembling it down to the cartridge and then not being able to figure how the damn thing came out. With some struggle I was able to get the faucet into working order again, aside…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Let’s clean up the (Oregon) House

On this mini 2005 Election day, it’s not too early for me to be anticipating the joy that I’ll feel when, 365 days and a few hours from now, I go out to get the newspaper and read “Minnis defeated—Dems take back Oregon House.” Yes, I realize that in clean, green Oregon, politics isn’t supposed to be personal. But Karen Minnis, the oh-so-Republican Speaker of the House, sets herself up for personal attacks with her penchant for playing the Red Queen. In the 2005 legislative session she repeatedly refused to allow the House to vote on bills that had passed…
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Posted inUncategorized

Support Apathy, Nihilism, and Despair

Finally! No more naked wrists for me. I’ve found some rubber wristbands that spout a message I can get behind. I just ordered them and can hardly wait to share an honest philosophy of life with the world. Others can wear what they like. I’m declaring my allegiance to the curmudgeon side in the battle of the bands.
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Outraged at flu shot shortages

While standing in line for a flu shot yesterday I had plenty of time to work up a major case of Irritation at Bush, the CDC, vaccine manufacturers, and anyone else who was responsible for the hour I spent shuffling along a lengthy line of tape stuck to the floor at south Salem’s Oak Tree Pharmacy. I had plenty of company. About forty people had beaten me to the clinic when I got there at 11:30 am, half an hour after the starting time. I figured that I’d beat the noon rush. I hadn’t taken into consideration the fact that…
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Posted inScience

Estrogen, it’s what men lust for

Science has confirmed the obvious: “Men just want someone young and pretty.” So says evolutionary psychologist Nick Neave about research which found that women with higher levels of estrogen were rated as more attractive, healthy, and feminine-looking than those with lower levels. A feminine face is rounder with gentle features, big eyes, small nose and big lips. It’s an indicator of reproductive fitness, according to the researchers. Evolutionarily speaking, beauty helps men identify women who will bear them large numbers of children. Not that this is Bill Maher’s conscious motivation. But his inner caveman is wordlessly screaming, “Reproduce! Pretty and…
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Posted inMiscellany

Support your independent pharmacist

Recently I’ve made a new friend, our local pharmacist. I had gone fifty-seven years without needing a long term prescription. However, this year for my birthday I not only got my first prostate exam from a female doctor but also some Flomax samples (though peeing can be fun, I’d prefer to engage in this activity a bit less often). In addition, the week after my physical exam I got a phone call about my blood test results. “Your cholesterol is 212,” I was told by the nurse. “That’s crazy,” I said. “It’s always been less than 190. I’ve been a…
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Posted inEntertainment

Vive le Colbert Report

Befitting its pseudo-Frenchness, Comedy Central's “Colbert Report” is pronounced without the ending “t”s. Steven Colbert, the eponymous host of the show, says “Welcome to the Colber Repor!” If you like sardonic intelligent wordplay, plus a healthy dose of Bush-bashing ala The Daily Show (where Colbert got his start), you’ll enjoy The Colbert Report. We’ve added The Colbert Report to our regular evening TV viewing. Something else had to go, so Nightline has bit the dust for us. Ted Koppel is on the way out (or gone) and I’ve reached a point in life where I’d rather laugh than cry my…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Bird flu + Bush administration = disaster

It sends a chill up my spine when I realize that the same folks who brought us a mismanaged Iraq war, bungled hurricane relief efforts, and a host of other debacles, are in charge of protecting Americans from a potentially devastating avian (bird) flu epidemic. Bernadine Healy, M.D., a former director of the National Institutes of Health, said that we are “Unprepared for Bird Flu” in a recent issue of U.S. News & World Report. Her uncheery assessment starts off with: When the avian flu brewing in Asia hits our shores--as most experts believe will happen--and if it maintains its…
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Posted inSustainability

A hybrid that has it all

Are you yearning for balance in your automotive life? Do you, like me, want it all? Abundant power and good mileage, driving fun and environmental righteousness. If so, take a look at the Toyota Highlander Hybrid SUV, which is rated #1 in a “muscle per gallon” index prepared by U.S. News & World Report. Since my wife and I are on a waiting list to buy the 4-wheel-drive version of this car, I was pleased to see that the Highlander beat out the $65,000 Chevrolet Corvette (#2) and the $453,000 Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren (#3), each of which boasts ferocious horsepower…
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Posted inScience

Listen to the Big Bang

Thanks to astronomer Mark Whittle, you can listen to the Big Bang’s first million years of primordial sound, compressed into ten seconds and shifted up 50 octaves into the human range of hearing. Click on this page’s first sound file. Even on my tinny laptop speakers, I got a chill up my spine hearing this reproduction of what Whittle calls the universe’s primal scream (this link is a fine non-technical description of his scientific work). The universe was born in silence and soon grew into an awesome roar. Whittle says: Have you ever wondered what the "Big Bang" actually sounded…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Police need more martial arts training

“Totally unnecessary.” That was my reaction to the story in yesterday’s Oregonian about how two police officers killed a crazed, naked, unarmed man after he had jumped on the roof of their patrol car. A witness to the shooting, Paul White, said that at no time was the man (Fouad Kaady) threatening or combative. He was just standing on the roof of the car, hands at his side. Undoubtedly the grand jury investigating this case will be told by the officers that they believed their lives were in danger. Give me a break. Being afraid is a lot different from…
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Posted inMeasure 37

Wise Measure 37 commentary

Opening up the Statesman-Journal today, I was deeply impressed with the wisdom of a letter to the editor about Measure 37. Then I saw the letter writer’s name and exclaimed, “I know that guy!” In fact, he was me. Just to give the conspiracy theorists over at Oregonians in Action something to chew on while they’re waiting for the next check from the Asphalt Manufacturers of America to roll in, yes, 1000 Friends of Oregon put me up to this. I got a phone call from a 1000 Friends staffer who said that Laurel or I should write a letter…
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Posted inHome life

Best vegetable lasagna recipe

Wanting to improve the world through my blogging, today I’ll surpass all of my previous efforts and share my exceedingly well-tested recipe for vegetarian spinach lasagna. This is the only dish that I ever bring to a potluck where meat-eaters and vegetarians are mingling. It also is the only dish that I make for visiting carnivorous (or, more accurately, omnivorous) relatives. In short, this recipe swings both ways. Almost everyone likes it. A big plus for me is how quickly this dish can be made. You don’t have to cook the lasagna noodles ahead of time. Putting in the ¾…
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Posted inMeasure 37

Measure 37 and the voters’ will

Yesterday I listened to the Kremer and Abrams talk show on KXL. The conservative member of the duo, Rob Kremer, was frothing at the mouth about how 61% of the voters had voted for Measure 37 and now a single judge had struck it down, thereby thwarting the will of the people. Outrageous, fulminated Kremer. He thought Judge Mary James should be recalled. Yeah, that would teach a lesson to judges who have the temerity to be independent and exercise their duty to uphold the constitution. Rob, do you recall the notion of “checks and balances” from your high school…
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Posted inDogs Home life

Dog kissing: the slobbery truth

Who says the passion has to go when people are in their mid 50s? Why, every evening around midnight there are two bodies entwined on the rug in our family room. The kissing is noisy and uninhibited; the pillow talk sweet and sentimental. “Who’s got the cutest little tummy in the whole world? You!...Who’s my special sweetums? You!” I never get tired of hearing my wife coo these words, which are regularly interrupted by the sound of lips enthusiastically pressing against soft flesh. This raw display of affection usually takes place while I’m brushing my teeth in a nearby bathroom.…
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Posted inMeasure 37

Measure 37 struck down

O Joy! We will be doing some celebrating tonight. Judge Mary James has ruled that Measure 37 is unconstitutional. You can bet that there will be much wailing and knashing of teeth from Oregonians in Action. They'll try to get a clone of Measure 37 on the 2006 ballot, but I'm betting that real Oregonians will see through their B.S. this time around and vote for the 1000 Friends of Oregon alternative. This is a happy day for everyone who loves Oregon.
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Posted inCurrent affairs Home life

Masks to protect against avian flu

Here’s some things to look out for if you, like me, decide to go online and order some surgical masks to have on hand in case the avian flu mutates into a human strain and our streets start looking like this photo. As ABC News reported recently, “Bird flu concerns make masks hot commodity.” This story says that to be effective, masks should have an “N95” rating: “This means that the respirators filter out at least 95 percent of airborne particles during testing using a ‘most-penetrating’ sized particle of 0.3 microns.” That also was the advice on an OSHA web…
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