Posted inBooks Home life Science

Happiness is a new mountain bike. Maybe.

My birthday has begun. Actually, it started five days ago. It’ll culminate on October 7, which used to be known as my “birthday.” I’ve decided to celebrate it like Ramadan—a full month of honoring what I reverence most: me. This makes perfect sense, because the older I get (have started to become 58), the fewer birthdays I have left to celebrate. Therefore the celebration should get longer as I age, to make up for fewer future celebratory opportunities. If I live to 100, I suppose I’ll be celebrating continuously. Anyway, here’s my first major gift to myself. A black 2007…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Remember: there’s a 9/11 every month in Darfur

I’m already tired of the Fifth Anniversary of 9/11 hoopla. It’s one more sign of the United States’ self-absorption and inability to connect with the much larger world beyond our borders. Yes, 3,000 people died in the attacks that took place on September 11, 2001. Yet did you know that at least 3,000 people die every month in Darfur from violence, disease, and malnutrition attributable to the conflict? Where are the memorials to these people? Where are the fervent speeches? Where is the determination by the Bush Administration to protect innocents from terrorists? Absent. Absent. Absent. In the past three…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Disney, how could you become a right-wing whack job?

Oh, Disney, you’ve burst my Mickey Mouse bubble. I grew up with the Mouseketeers. I watched the Disney hour on our black and white TV. I loved going to Disneyland. Now, when I think “Disney,” what comes to mind is right-wing whack job. (And 9/11 history fabricator; Disney funded “The Path to 9/11” and controls ABC, which will be showing this work of fiction Sunday and Monday nights). I’ve been reading and weeping for the death of an all-American brand that has chosen to associate itself with only the neo-con slice of this country. Sad. See: ABC’s twisted “Path to…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Tell ABC & Disney not to mess around with 9/11 facts

I’ve given ABC and Disney a piece of my mind about their disturbingly biased movie, “The Path to 9/11” that will shown next Sunday and Monday. Bill Clinton is simply asking that they tell the truth. I sent them the same message. If you haven’t done so already, add your name to the hundreds of thousands who already have expressed their indignation that the tragedy of 9/11 is being sullied by movie-makers who are putting political grandstanding above respect for what actually happened. The Daily Kos tells you what to do. Do it. Now. It looks like ABC and Disney…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Iran’s president sounds just like the U.S. president

You’d think that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and George Bush would be best buddies, they think so much alike. Opening up the newspaper this morning, I saw the headline, “Iran’s president targets liberalism.” (same AP story here, with different headline) Let’s see. Ahmadinejad wants to strengthen fundamentalism in his country. He’s removing pragmatic veterans in the government and replacing them with inexperienced hard-liners. His administration is cracking down on independent journalists. He’s trying to drive liberal and moderate professors out of universities. Sure sounds like the president of the United States’ wet dream. Oh, except it isn’t just a dream; it’s reality.…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

#2 Al Qaeda guy in Iraq actually caught months ago

Wow, what a surprise: false information about Iraq. It turns out that the capture of high-level Al Qaeda operative Jumaa Al Saeedi actually occurred nearly three months ago, rather than last Friday as was originally reported. So what am I to make of all the breathless speculation I heard on Fox News about how taking Al Saeedi out was going to break the insurgency’s back? Every attack in Iraq since June 19 occurred when #2 was out of commission. Seems to me like there are plenty of #3s and below ready to be promoted.
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Posted inHumor

United States, Canada, and Mexico to merge

Thank god Oregon is a lot closer to Canada than Mexico. I hate beans! Hopefully I’ll be able to continue my usual eating habits after the elites merge the U.S., Canada, and Mexico. I learned about this scheme from a web site, Middle American News, so it must be true. I believe everything I find on the Internet. Thank you, MA News. I’ve got something to look forward to now. I like the idea of being Canadian, but don’t want to move somewhere even colder and rainier than Oregon. Serve me up the New World Order! (just be sure to…
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Posted inHome life Neighborhood

My wife has to call 911 because I’m out of breath

Fortunately, the reason was that I’d just run uphill from a trail where a rider had fallen off his horse and was in bad shape. I didn’t want the 911 operator to think that this was some sort of heavy breathing crank call. So Laurel did the talking and I gasped out the details. “Guy. Fell off horse. Woman is with him. Can’t move. Lots of pain. Conscious. Looks to be in his 60s.” This morning I’d heard yelling through an open window. At first I figured it was kids playing on the trail easement that runs along the lower…
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Posted inScience

Secrets of the sexes, revealed!

After investing three hours of watching “Secrets of the Sexes” on Oregon Public Broadcasting, I figured that I should share what I learned about how men and women are different. Aside from the obvious, I mean. Note: this is serious research-based stuff, not cocktail party surmising. In the first episode I watched various Britons (this was a BBC production) riding in a cab and being treated to some personal cabbie chatter. When asked to recall the particulars of the conversation and cab ride, women were more tuned in to the emotional situation while men were more thing-oriented. Not a big…
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Posted inMiscellany

Don’t believe those longevity calculators

Lifespan-wise, I had some good news and bad news today. After reading about the Eons web site in TIME’s “New tricks for living past 96” article, I answered the questions on their longevity calculator. The article said, “the longevity calculator is what has given the website traction.” It must be popular, as it took a long time for their site to bring up a new page. After I clicked on the final button I was left in suspense for what seemed like, well, eons. What if the calculator said that I’d likely only live to 58? I’m going to be…
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Posted inEntertainment

Stephen Colbert should put Jon Stewart on notice

Why? Obvious to anyone who watched the Emmys. I cringed each time The Daily Show beat out The Colbert Report for an award. That’s why The Daily Show needs to go On Notice. Now, I realize it isn’t Stewart’s fault that his protégé has surpassed him in wit, intelligence, and entertainment value. Still, those Emmys that The Daily Show carted back to New York need to be cloned and shared with Colbert. Just because the Emmy voters chose Barry Manilow (!!!) over The Colbert Report (how can these two even be uttered in the same breath?), doesn’t mean that this…
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Posted inCurrent affairs Science

Progressives are battling for reality

It’s worth fighting for: reality. Indeed, the only thing really worth fighting for. My version of scripture says, “And what profiteth a man, if he wins all the world, and loses reality?” Right-wingers are out to overturn a vision of the world that has served us exceedingly well since the Enlightenment: there is an objective reality that, broadly speaking, is the domain of “science,” and there is a subjective reality that, broadly speaking, is the domain of “art.” Thus we have the sciences and the arts. We have physics and we have mystics. We have demonstrable facts and we have…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Just when I thought right-wing talk radio couldn’t get stupider

I was proved wrong by a fill-in host for Mark Levin (another “Mark,” who I assume was Mark Simone). This afternoon I heard him blabbing about how Google has purposely jiggered with its search engine so typing in “failure” brings up, as the #1 result, the official biography of George Bush. Simone claimed that this shows the left-wing bias of Google, which he said has Al Gore on its board of directors. That’s false. Gore is a Senior Advisor to Google and a member of Apple’s board. But he was correct about the “failure” search. And it’s also true that…
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Posted inBooks Current affairs

Osama Bin Laden’s mistress, a topless womanist

Kola Boof claims that she was Osama Bin Laden’s mistress in the mid-1990s. In her book Boof reveals juicy details about Bin Laden’s sexual and cultural predilections. From a Harper's excerpt I learned that Boof’s Al Qaeda boy toy made her dance naked to Van Halen; he didn’t know the difference between being vicious and being tender (shock!); he enjoyed hitting the hookah before sex; his favorite TV shows were The Wonder Years, Miami Vice, and MacGyver; and he adored Whitney Houston so much, he wanted to give her a mansion in Khartoum. I believe it all. Sure, there are…
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Posted inHome life

My bathroom habits: facts about flax

After years of blogging, it occurred to me that I’ve never written about my bathroom habits. This oversight needs to be corrected. After all, some of my most satisfying moments occur on the toilet. Now, you might be thinking, “Brian, you need to get a life.” But going to the bathroom is part of my life. And since I’m a vegetarian, it takes up a larger share of my day than it does for most people. Yes, it’s a scientific fact. Vegetarians and vegans kick butt, so to speak, when it comes to the frequency of bowel movements (detailed BM…
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Posted inMiscellany

Follow Up: steal this great idea for a website

I dearly hope that someone will take this idea for a “Follow Up” website and run with it all the way to Internet stardom. Wouldn’t you visit a site that kept track of stories that fall off the media-frenzy radar before the final chapter is written? (to mix metaphors) I sure would. Consider these “what ever happened with…” examples: --What ever happened with the investigation into the shelling of the UN observer outpost on the Israel-Lebanon border? At first Kofi Annan accused the IDF of deliberately targeting the outpost. The Israelis claimed it was an innocent mistake, notwithstanding repeated urgent…
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Posted inMeasure 37

Measure 37 proving to be Oregon nightmare

Just as those of us who opposed the dismantling of Oregon’s land use laws predicted, Measure 37 has turned out to be a nightmare. People voted for it because they thought little old ladies would finally be able to build a family homestead on acreage put off-limits by rigid zoning restrictions. Some of that is going on. Which is fine. I don’t have a problem with putting a single home on land that turned into “exclusive farm use” after a couple bought it as “rural residential.” But I do object to putting a pumice mine and geothermal generating plant in…
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Posted inTango/Dance

In Tango, as in marriage, the man is always wrong

Last night our dance instructor reminded us of the Tango truth: “The man is always wrong.” A murmur of agreement was heard from the women. I could hear several men mutter, “Just like marriage.” Carlos, a guest instructor a few months back, gave us the same message. Guess I’ll have to live with it. Not that I disagree with the adage, especially after repeatedly stepping on Laurel’s feet as we tried to learn some cross foot moves. Tango, Carlos told us, is just a man walking with a woman so she will fall in love with him. At least during…
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Posted inHome life Humor

I didn’t know strangling was part of poker

Last night I played poker for the first time since high school. And thus also for the first time without being drunk. I learned a lot about five-card draw from our poker-savvy neighbors, Tim and Jan. From the other player at the table besides me, Laurel, I learned that it isn’t a good idea to take almost all of your wife’s chips on the last hand of the game. Unless you enjoy being strangled when the chips are redeemed. I’m considering becoming a poker pro. At nine p.m. I put in $5. At ten fifteen I got back $8.65. That’s…
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Posted inCurrent affairs

Once more, with feeling: “Oregon is not a high tax state!”

Today, on KPAM’s Victoria Taft show, I listened to Republican gubernatorial candidate Ron Saxton blather on about out-of-control state spending. That’s a fiction. I proved so in my April post, “Oregon is not a high tax state.” In my blogger delusionality, I figured that would be the end of it. Politicians and talk show hosts would have learned the truth. My post would have changed the world. Sadly, the message obviously hasn’t gotten through. So I’ll sing my song again. Oregon ranks 36th out of the 50 states in state and local taxes as a percentage of per capita income.…
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